Chainsawferret t1_j82fziv wrote

A visit to the groomers..

“I’m telling you this isn’t necessary! I snarled at my partner, as she pulled the K9 cruiser up to ‘Le Poodle Parlour’. I was beyond grumpy, I was furious.

“Look, it’s for your promotion photo. You’re up for promotion to Sergeant, remember?”

True, and if I hadn’t been bitten, probably would have made it sooner than I did. Still…”Ramona, it’s a Goddamn dog groomer!”

“And? How many Great Clips know how to trim tails?” She asked, as she put the car in park.

…damnit “ok point, but I’m not a dog!”

Sh e just looked at me “your radio call sign is Scrappy Doo”

“That’s because it pisses off Cooper.” and even at my full height..well it was less than impressive for someone of my breed, so to speak. Life’s tough for a 5”4” werewolf.

Officer Sandoval sighed “look, these guys do good work..and I’m pretty sure you’re not the only one in your situation to use this place. I asked around, ok?”

I could tell that this was going nowhere..and damnit, she was right. I was getting pretty scruffy when shifted. “Fine,” I mutter, wriggling out of my vest. “But I’m not going in there like this.”

It was weird. Very weird, going all the way to all fours. I have only done it a few times, mainly emergencies where I couldn’t fit in someplace any other way. Never realize how much you miss having thumbs till they are gone. “Ey, you don't need the leash!”

If I didn’t know my partner better, I’d swear she was enjoying this. Then again, it could be payback for the noodle case. “They won’t take any customers, not on one.”


I followed her sulking as we went into Le Poodle Parlour. I damn sure better get that promotion after this.


Chainsawferret t1_iy5v38s wrote


Chainsawferret t1_ixqziad wrote

“Captains log, Supplemental.

It was a trap. I felt it was, but then being a prey species we were more attuned to such things than others. Still I overrode my instincts, the mission orders required it, and we had to get to the Romulan Republic colony on Azuno VII. Sometimes you’ve got to stick your neck out when lives are on the line. So we took the USS Sarantites into the system and right into their new weapon. The ship was disabled in seconds, and before we could restore power, we were boarded.

Unfortunately now it’s my CREW ’’s lives. The Tal Shiar were behind the crisis on the colony, and the last thing they want is the Federation riding to the rescue..

They didn’t consider me a threat. Hell they didn’t believe I was captain. To be honest, we Choblik were not really suited for such. I spent more time on the scientific side of things. But this is too far.”

“Are you sure about this Captain?”

Lieutenant Templar looked worried. Of course the human always looked worried, except now he had a reason too. We’d been ambushed and boarded. The enemy had known someone would come, it was just our bad luck that we were the closest. Science ships aren’t really great in a fight alone.

I nodded at him, as my arm dropped onto the deck with a thud. I had already cobbled the replacements together, but needed assistance mounting them to myself. “The power requirements are steep, but that's why I have extra power cells.”

“I’m not doubting your engineering Sir” he said, as he hooked the new arm into my chest. “I’m just concerned about the impact this will have on you.”

Of course he was-He was a medic after all, and to be honest, the LAST race in the galaxy you’d expect that would do something like this would be mine. But we Choblik, while descended from prey species, the Great Builders gave us the means to move past that when necessary. And my crew, my herd was in danger.

I felt the new arm interface with my cybernetics. Function check, phaser cannon, chainsaw, flame unit, all operational. The shield unit on my back was salvaged from a type 11 shuttlecraft. It would be a bit warm, but doable. “I’ll be fine. “ I bleated. We both knew I was lying. But I knew a good therapist on Starbase 39.

It was fortunate that they thought I was just another scientist. Unfortunate for my XO however. I could hear her screams from down the hall. I looked at the wall, interfacing with it. Two guards outside this room where we were being held, I could see them through the ship's internal sensors. As I spun up the saw and unsealed the door, I gave a reassuring bleat to the Lieutenant. “Let's get our ship back.”


Chainsawferret t1_ixorv7r wrote

After all these years, of finding nothing but scraps and hints of what came before, we were on the cusp of something big, I knew it down to my whiskers.

It had been a long time coming. For the first few years of my career, many of my theories met with derision. Yes everyone knew of the cataclysm that melted much of the old world before we evolved, and the artifacts we did find were either melted masses of hydrocarbon based polymers, or mostly corroded bits of iron and other oxides. It was the underwater expedition with the rudder tails in 1376 where we found the first proof of earlier life. The statue, round eared, four fingered, strangely proportioned but obviously one of the races that arose after the days of fire and ash.It stood there under the mud of what had once been a peninsula before the seas rose, left hand on it’s hip, right hand raised upwards, though broken off just past the wrist. Ther looked to have been another figure standing next to it, but all that was left was a few hand spans of leg and one foot covering.

To be honest, I had regretted the finding of that artifact at the time. The Scholars deemed it a religious artifact of the pre melt races, and proof that the peoples had existed before the cataclysm that destroyed the world of this mysterious ‘ickey Mou’, and the controversy it generated overwhelmed the scientific knowledge we could learn. We had been blocked from further excavation due to court challenges.

Fortunately the fame had also increased my funding. My muzzle was starting to turn grey by the time we had a decent lead, but this time, we’re keeping things quiet until we knew what we had. And what we had was something big. Further west from the first site, across the Green Sea. I knew, when the diggers had broken through the slagged metal and found a tunnel, with straight walls that this could be something-”

“Seeker Dawnwood?”

I put down my pen and closed my journal, turning to look at the young Digger who was in charge of the excavation crews. Her long claws were still coated in soil, and her black and white striped fur on her face was coated by some noxious liquid “Good heavens!” I cried, “Jena, are you injured?”

She waved off my concerns. “It’s merely some sort of lubrication fluid, the scrutinizers have determined it’s harmless, a petroleum product that was used in the door mechanism”

“Wait-DOOR?” My ringed tail poofed in excitement as I followed the digger from the base camp. She led me through the tunnel to the metal wall where they had been probing. Sure enough, just past the cleared portion was a seam in the metal, and from a hole hit by an errant tool, the fluid leaked from a ruptured hose.

“By the Gods.” I muttered..

“What should we do?” the Digger chieftess asked. “The council-”

I raised my paw “the council will hem and haw until we have all become owl food” I replied. “We keep this quiet for the moment, can you get this open?”

It took more digging to get the door clear, with the fluid removed however and enough prying, it eventually began to budge.

“Why is the door so big?” one of the diggers asked. I wondered that myself, the idol we discovered before was a bit taller than one of the people, but not by much. This however…twice, three times its size. As the door slid whisker by whisker I had an even bigger question. “Why is there light coming from inside?”

That caused work to halt, and many of the crew backed away, ears back. A few of them made holy signs in fear, but this is what I had waited my whole life for. I felt someone beside me and noticed Jena was there. She flashed me a toothy grin “who goes first?”

I was somewhere between awe stuck and giddy. I shook my head “make sure the air in there is safe first, then we go together.”

After a few moments of testing, we stepped in. The lights were from some panels in the ceiling, far over our heads. There was writing on the wall of the corridor, I knew what the script said, we had some translations from the stones that were left by the ones before. What the words meant however.. “Nasa? Cy-ro, genics?”

“What does that mean, Seeker?”

“I have no clue.” I admitted. One should never be afraid to admit they did not know everything. I peered at the numbers on buttons on a door up ahead.

“There are numbers..but there are too many of them.” I thought. A team from Forestbrook had found the remains of a hand covering a few years back, but there were more fingers on it than any of the people. With excitement I pushed at the door panel, almost falling backwards in surprise as it actually opened.

We stepped into the room, there were cylinders on racks, about a dozen of them. Most of them were dark, but there were two that still had lights on them. I held my lamp up as I approached, there was a layer of grime and frost covering the glass on the cylinder. I had to climb up in order to see, and one of the diggers handed me up a cloth.

With a trembling paw, I wiped at the grime. It took a moment, but I could see through the glass at last. I gasped when I saw what was inside.

“What is it?” Jena asked from below.

It took me a moment to find my breath. “It’s a person…large one, female I think. Odd, no fur except for the top of her head.”

“What kind of person?” someone asked.”

I shook my head. “I’ve never seen anything like this before. Everyone, be sure not to touch anything, we need to get a-oh no…”

I could see him falling before I even finished my sentence. Harln was only on the expedition because his uncle paid for the grant. I groaned as he fell from the shelf he had been attempting to climb to, the lapin bouncing off one of the lighted panels next to the tube with a thud.

Before I could rip his fuzzy tail off, there was a sound from the wall behind us. The door we came in from sealed shut with a loud ‘thoom’, and there was a voice speaking from somewhere above, though we couldn’t understand the words. I knew we were in trouble.



Chainsawferret t1_ixfze45 wrote

Ah muttered as ah pushed the bloody fur out of mah eyes. Ah wasn’t even supposed to be here today.

It was supposed to be a normal Monday. Borin day at school, take care of any homework, maybe some training and an early evening patrol with one of the heroes of the Association. It was a school night after all. Technically trainees like mahself don’t get called up unless it’s another global invasion, or huge natural or unnatural disaster.

Heck the Arbiters didn’t even think ah’d ever be considered one of the big teams in the Association. Let's be obvious, bein bitten by a radioactive Mephitis mephitis ain’t exactly high on the power tree, even if ah could fly, and heal folks with radioactive pheromones.

Being tagged ‘Polecat’ was bad enough, but at least ah was able to get it changed when ah turned sixteen from the first name they assigned me with after mah powers showed up, ‘Polekitty’, being ah was just a kid. Honestly, ah’d have been happier even with the powers to stay at mah folks place near Apalachicola. At least ah wouldn’t be in this situation.

Ah hadn’t even been trained on any offensive uses of mah powers yet. Which was bad. The Earthen Watcher was buried up to his elbows, Captain Starling was fairly well plucked, Dr Chronos was out of time and the rest of the Association were even worse off.

And of course the assholes from the Villain League picked a day where half the city was downtown . Civilians were panicking, and to be honest ah was too-though tried hard not to show it. Ah was too far from the downed Association members to try to heal them and ta be honest, a bunch of them were probably beyond mah ability. The smart thing ah should do, the thing that the Gunner had drilled into us trainees, was to evac with the civics. We wern’t trained or ready to face the major leagues of evil yet.

Too bad for me ah’m stubborn. I could see them there advancing across the square towards the fallen Association. Professor Jealous, the Bonestealer, and their leader, the demonic Bytor, along with dozens of minions, henchmen, and zombies. Lots of zombies. Oh good, the necromantic manager Human Resources was there too. Greaaat.

He knew who ah was of course. The league had files on all of us, even trainees like me still in high school. “Miss Evans, isn’t tonight a school night?” he said, rather pleasantly.

I looked at the smoke rising across the city. “Ah think ya’ll took that out when you went after Captain Diamond an hour ago.”

“Probably, well on the bright side you can sleep in tomorrow. We have no quarrel with you child, run along now.”

It would be really nice right now if ah had a weapon of some kind. Or offensive powers. Still, like mah daddy said, take what you’re given and find a clever use for it. Instead of runnin, I simply flipped them off. Not very ladylike ah know…but ah was pissed.

“Rude” Bonestealer snarled, her tongue flicking out over her fangs “Can I remove her spine now? That mutated little bitch needs to learn some manners.”

“Really Sonia” Bytor replied “I have told you be cough fore, if they’re still young enough to be cough turned, then w…wee..” The Centurion of Evil began coughing more, Bonestealer and the others, the others who still breathed at least, were coughing as well.

True. Ah couldn’t do much. But what ah could do…is generate radioactive pheromones for healin..and thiols for other stuff. Specifically (E )-2-butene-1-thiol and 3-methyl-1-butanethiol. Which was forming a swirling yellowish green cloud around the Villain League. By now Bytor had forgotten about turnin me to evil and was firing large very unaimed bursts in mah general direction. Fortunately ah could duck behind the Earthen Watcher, the bullets wouldn’t harm him even while he was held in stasis, and he was pretty bullet proof.

The others wern’t doin any better, Bonestealer was clawin at her eyes and vomiting, ah grinned when ah saw it splatter all over Bytor’s expensive italian suit. The zombies wern’t movin, guess HR didn’t like the smell any better, and the minions were gagging and heading for fresh air. That’s when ah found out that grenade launchers really don’t have to be aimed as well..

It hurts, a lot, at least as ah’m flying through the air from the explosion ah can see most of the people managed to clear out..good enough ah suppose..ah see the ground coming up and everything goes dark.

Not dead tho…cause everything hurts. Especially Bonestealer’s clawed fist lifting me up by mah neck. Despite everything ah would laugh if ah could at the sight of Bytor as he staggers up next to her, suit coated in vomit and snot, eyes and nose still running, the stench even making mah eyes water.

“What the hell were you playing at child! You should know there was no way you could stop me, now you just made me angry.”

“A..ah wasn't trying to stop you” I managed to get out. Ah think ah might be missin a few pieces, and only one eye is workin…but ah still manage to grin weakly. “Ah just ne..needed ta slow you down..”

I saw Bonestealer drawing her other arm back, razor sharp claws ready to rip my spine out , when she suddenly looked up. Ah felt a weird tingle through me and reality shifted and ah was fifty yards away-and Bonestealer was holding a stuffed dummy with a bomb for a head. She screamed as it detonated, and ah felt the pain fade away. Ah looked up and saw the Shepherd, she was one of the instructors in combat metahuman medicine. “I’ve got you Rachelle,” she said. The bomb had to be, yep, Doc Schrodinger, the bright blue feline-American, who was never quite right after a teleporter accident involving a small cat. Ah let mah head fall back and relax. The Paragons were here.

Last thing ah saw was a white haired figure landing in front of the leader of the Villain League. I watched as Bytor and the Snowdog squared for battle, hearing him shout ‘let the fray begin!’ as ah passed out.


Chainsawferret t1_itjbkq0 wrote

So far everything has gone pretty well. I’d met Vikki at a conference at the university, she was closer to my age than a lot of the college age students-me being just out of the Army, and she’d spent time doing archaeological digs in Greece.

We got along well with some of the projects, and she suggested we get together after the semester ended for drinks. We hit it off fairly well, and after the first ‘date’ we scheduled a real one. It had gone pretty good so far, and we were tentatively probing when we could squeeze in a third date.

I was feeling pretty good as I went to wash my hands. Pizza is tasty but messy. I was just about to head back to the table when I smelled brimstone. The room seemed to spin and get smaller-no something much bigger was attempting to squeeze into the mens room. I turned around, staring at the chest of a hulking demon, arms like tree trunks, and eyes blazing.

“Just what are your intentions with MY daughter?!” he yelled, loud enough that I knew others outside the restroom had heard it. I was generally an intelligent dude, but at times, wasn’t smart. Plus I made this same mistake before.

“What the hell dude?” I yelled back at him, the demon blinking in surprise. “Look, she’s a lovely lady, but one, my intentions are totally honorable, and two, if you’re looking to ruin your relationship with your daughter you’re doing a bang up job of it!”

“What in the infernal do you mean-”

I held up my hands placatingly “look, I know you care about her-but I made the same mistake with my sister, and someone dating her. It took her almost five years to talk to me again, now how pissed is she going to be if she hears you yelling in here?”

The demon frowned.. “A lot. Look-”

“It’s only our second date. She’s got an early class tomorrow, I was going to drop her off at home soon. If you want to grill me without her finding out, I can meet you later.”

That was probably even dumber than telling him off. But I recognized the concerned look on his face. He crossed his arms, “the address is on your phone-be there no later than an hour after dropping her off.” with that he vanished with another stink of brimstone.

Crap. Fortunately this was one of the fancy Italian places that had lots of scent soaps..though it took me another five minutes to get enough of it on me. Still she kind of gave me the side eye as I came out. “Anything wrong?”

“Nah” I said, truthfully enough. Either it wasn’t gonna be wrong, or it wasn’t gonna matter afterwards.

45 minutes later she was home and I was pulling up to a Denny's about 20 miles outside the city on the interstate. The town Didn’t have a name, and oddly enough for a place like this, there was quite an assortment of vehicles outside. Harleys, sportbikes, an old BMW with a sidecar, Fords, Toyotas, even a horse and buggy and a 39 Packard. My Civic didn’t look too out of place, though

I figured it was the right place when I noticed the hostess working the register was slightly transparent, and dressed in a uniform that looked like it was from the early 70s. The decor matched at least, and Vikki’s father was easy to spot, looking comically large sitting in a booth at the end, the coffee mug looking like a kids cup. His horns almost hit the cheap chrome light fixture over the table

He looked up as I approached. “Wasn’t sure you were gonna show.”

“I’m a man of my word” I replied, taking the seat across from him.

“That's good, I hate having to chase down mortals.” he replied with a very sharp toothed grin. The phantom waitress drifted over, and I ordered coffee and a Superbird. She drifted off towards the kitchen ,and I waited for my coffee. It was a long day after all.

“So,” he finally said “you were right-if she kenned me there, she’d probably have thrown me through the wall.” he took a sip of coffee and chuckled “just like her mother.”

I simply nodded, as the waitress brought my own mug. “Like I said, I made that mistake myself. Sometimes you can’t save someone from bad choices. At least my sister realized hers was a bad choice after a few years.”

The Demon smirked “Before or after she forgave you?”

“Before, obviously. Some things mere males were not meant to poke their noses into.” I replied.

He laughed, his booming voice rattling the pans back in the kitchen, and causing some of the other diners to glance up at us. Our food came and we came to an understanding while we ate. I could date Vikki, but if I cheated on her, my soul would blister for a thousand lifetimes. Good thing I'm not a cheating type. We parted ways, and he paid for my meal, before climbing into the Packard and driving off.

I drove home in silence, pondering. Yeah, she was a literal half demon..but she did say her family was complicated. I guess we’ll hit a movie or something this weekend and see how it goes.