CharmTLM

CharmTLM t1_ja59iz6 wrote

Reply to [WP] You, a human, somehow gets a job at a hotel that caters to the secret world of monster folk. When your lich boss finds out, he decides to keep you around instead of erasing your memory. You are an incredibly competent worker, and good workers are hard to keep. by AnthonyisClueless

"The job's not so bad," is what Leon said.

Us sitting in the dorm, a paused videogame blasting rock on the TV, a red wine glass with a damn straw in it, and Leon, his pale hands so enthusiastically planted onto a coffee table.

He said it wasn't so bad, and I took it. I wanted to save for a pair of golden-yellow sneakers - the price difference is insane for different foot sizes!

I didn't think I'd sell my dang soul for a pair of kicks.

So there I was every afternoon studying like everybody else at college. Then I'd take night shift, and doze off till morning. Always skipped the morning classes, anyway.

Everybody else took normal part-times though. Interns at project companies, bartenders, countless upon countless baristas...

Not me.

Now that I think about it, Leon always sipped on red wine. He never went out in the day, and he had this strange obsession with garlic.

Turns out he's a regular at this monster hotel or whatever periwinkle crap they're running.

He hangs with vampires of all sorts - gothic nobles dressed in tweed, ancient caveman-eaters, or the more modern punk goth gals with the crazy accessories and tastefully black shirts.

I always gave special service for those clients. They had a sip of my blood once and said I tasted very sweet. I wanna date them. Apparently they usually kill a human immediately and drain all their blood for an immediate fiesta - but I had to "produce more of this delicious stuff," as they said.

Then there's the beasts. More than once has a deranged beastman try to go for my head with their Fantastical Battleaxe of World Devourers, and more than once has some chick with cat ears do the same damn thing. I only survived because I invested in a sturdy shield - sold to me by a shady dark knight. The price was seven cabbages and a man's head. I paid with a zombie's head - it counted.

Speaking of the undead... Zombies and skeletons galore - the two seem to be under the same category of monster. One day I met their necromancer, and she seemed very unhappy that I stole one of the skeleton skulls as a flower display on my work desk.

In my defense, that skull was charred with holy flame. It looked cooler than the golden shoes I've been eyeing.

The clients always do a double-take on me. "Are you a vampire?" is a common question, and my go-to response is "my blood is fifty doubloons per milliliter. Each limb is a thousand."

I just hope some Richie Rich of the monster world doesn't come along and purchase my limbs.

Speaking of my humanity, I was called into the head office this morning.

Our boss - I've never actually seen him - was some old lich with glowy eyes. He warned me with a boomy voice that seemed to permeate from every direction -

"Such a disgrace!" is what he started off with. No pleasantries, not even a 'hello how are ya'!

"Leon brought in a hughman! Ande the hughman passed the interview!"

I didn't know what to say, goddamnit. This is my employer, a lich with every right to take my soul and turn me into a ghoul. It's in the contract, and I thought it was a joke.

"Thou shalt payeth with thine soul - be a ghoul within my army for a thousand years. Only then may thou be free."

I shrug my shoulders and tried to reach for his cup of coffee. Skeletons don't actually drink their drinks - every skeleton has a tiny black hole in their stomach cavity which they use to store items like some damn kangaroo.

The lich watched as I sipped his coffee. "Macchiato, blended, four times more cream, brown sugar, sugared cocoa. And Venti," I said.

I added that Venti part because of this videogame I've been playing. I don't work for Starbucks. But apparently the lich did.

"However... Strange. How can a hughman as thou have such affinity to our elements...?"

The lich snatched the cup away from me like I was a kid with a lighter. The coffee had dragon's blood in it, and I failed to notice.

"They say the bloode of dragounns drive men, vampyrs, and even beastmen mad. Then why do thou hath such affinity?"

In case you didn't know - well of course, you don't work here - to drink the drink of a skeleton is a form of respect. You remove them from the need to take up valuable black hole space. I don't know, trust the culture.

"Yet thou ratings are top notch. Succubi and incubi alike wry for thou touch. Vampyre women seek for thou well-being instead of blood, and beastmen say that thou art a good fighter. And they love the fighting kind."

I kind of shrugged.

"And to be so bold in thine dealings - to take my drink right as I question thou as a hughman being?!"

I must have messed up somewhere if he began shouting outta nowhere, but where? I jittered around in my seat trying to recall every step I've made, when it dawned on me.

Liches don't follow skeleton customs.

"Well, thou art bold, thou art charismatic, thou art well-tasted, and thou art popular. Go! See me not again!"

I just staggered out of the office and Leon, his stupid fanged grin and his chuckle waited for me. The bastard apparently already knew the outcome, and wanted to throw me a welcoming party for my formal introduction to the company.

Formal introduction? What? That felt like being interrogated by Shakespeare! And I was already working in the dang company!

So about that party... A vampire gal whispered into my ear, "the blood of dragons drive men mad." Had no idea what that meant.

But she gave me a kiss on the cheek, I got cake, and Leon sent me off with a gift. All the regular clients wished me pleasantries.

It was a good night.

I walked to our dorm solo, Leon had something to do that night. The box was weird, it was bloody without being messy, and it glowed in the dark too.

I opened it - and there it was. Golden-yellow sneakers, exactly my size and exactly the ones I wanted.

On the bottom was a line burnt in blood, it just said "xoxo", must've been the vampire chick.

The other shoe, on the other hand, had an ominous aura around it. I checked the bottom and sure enough - magical necromancer energy burnt calligraphy into it.

"The blood of dragons drive men mad,"

I just scoffed and put it back in the box. Definitely from the vampire girl, I'll get her number soon.

Went back to the dorm, picked up my basketball, and tried on the shoes. Just a test run on some smooth wooden gym floor.

I took a look at the ominous shoe again.

"... but madmen are already mad."

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CharmTLM t1_ja43l22 wrote

Reply to comment by FrogBoy_3 in [WP] You are the grim reaper. You allow people to play one last game with them before they get sent to the afterlife. One day you meet a child about to die, and what they want to do... Is to beat Minecraft with you. by VestigeRepel

What does a godlike computer look like? RTX beyond the mind's comprehension? Supercomputer chips the size of atoms?

Great story by the way! I feel for Caleb

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