Clever_Mercury t1_ja4b3tx wrote

Since your parents sound more like they are trying to be authoritarian than supportive, the first thing I want to ask is if you have someone in your life who can be an accountability buddy. Are you dating? Or do you have a supportive sibling/cousin/friend?

Sometimes when you have to do something difficult, like make a hard phone call, telling someone else you need to do it by 3PM and have them check in on you to make sure you did it helps motivate you to do it. They could also be the helpful/friendly person who actually sits with you, literally holds your hand, or comforts you as you do an unpleasant task.

Others have made some excellent points here, including making lists, and organizing for your own comfort and well-being. I want to add one other. You should not make these changes out of fear of your parents but for yourself. No matter what happens in April, YOU will be better if you've taken care of a few of these. Do it for YOU.

And frankly, living away from parents who treat you like this might be a blessing. Look at the silver lining; either way you are winning. I'm cheering for you.

Edit: Would love to know why this is getting downvoted.


Clever_Mercury t1_j9zaqi1 wrote

Remember that you are not machinery. Your brain and your body need down time. They also enjoy variety. Part of what scrolling does is satisfy the variety need without taxing you physically.

If you want to do specific things, at any time, it's good to think your energy as a budget and you need to alternate between replenishing and depleting tasks. Are you physically exhausted? Or socially exhausted? Do you feel un-thanked or unentertained by the time the weekend rolls around? If so, concentrate on assigning yourself just one weekend task that still accomplishes something desirable but doesn't further deplete you. For example, if you feel socially exhausted then do not run errands but concentrate on doing something inside the home (laundry? gardening?). Reward yourself after completion.

People should remember, however, nearly every religion and culture on the planet used to have the idea of a 'sabbath' or a day of non-work. They didn't exactly think you'd be scrolling on a magical handheld device, but they did think everyone needed a day of just peace. The only people ever exempted from that rule were slaves. Don't treat yourself like a slave.

Having a day of rest is natural. No productivity, no travel, just sit and enjoy or be in the moment, even if you are scrolling. It's human. It's ok. Just not every day.


Clever_Mercury t1_j8fkgya wrote

There are two recommendations that I'm not seeing others offer that might be of help.

First, motivation doesn't have to be an emotional experience. Sometimes trying to run everything on our sense of thrill, terror, or adrenaline is the problem; it makes tasks exhausting to our central nervous system. Many benign tasks, like doing the dishes, really should be something we train ourselves to do without emotion.

So here's an example, when doing the dishes it doesn't have to be a thing where you've whipped yourself or punished yourself to do the task, it can be emotionally neutral or robotic. That's OK. In fact, it might be nice to let your mind escape while your hands just repetitively washing.

Second, motivation does not need to mean something like having a negative or positive connotation to the end product or reward (like fearing a consequence or exhilarated by an outcome). Instead, we can think about the experience of the task itself as something worth doing. The possible reasons might be for 'variety' or from 'curiosity.'

Here is an example of the latter; I sit most of the day, so while mopping the floor is not exactly a fun time for me, it's an opportunity to stand up, walk around, blink more, and I can listen to music while doing it. These aren't punishments or rewards, but they are different physical sensations and the sheer variety for my day is something I do not resist. So the floor gets mopped!


Clever_Mercury t1_j6dv9i1 wrote

This is actually a really important point that plays into the behavioral science of changing habits. The ritual of making (or ordering) something can be replaced with a new, non-threatening version: a hydrating, sweet, savory, or refreshing drink.

You can build an entirely new ritual around *drinking* some non-alcoholic thing. Practicing appreciating its flavor or how refreshing it is can also help be a distraction. It also gets a glass into your hand, so it checks the box for that muscle memory too.

Ideas: get into brewing tea, making milkshakes, trying new spritzes or soda flavors, flavor water with fruits, or squeeze your own orange juice each afternoon after work. If you are caffeine tolerant, creating your own mixed coffee or iced coffee shot could work too.


Clever_Mercury t1_j6bpy3i wrote

Something that might help others to know, Marcus Aurelius likely suffered from severe depression in his early years, particularly as a ruler. That's partly what led him to stoicism, the philosophy he is now famous for. He had to frequently go out on campaigns, traveling around with the military when he was, at heart something more like an academic or lawyer.

He overcame his sense of emptiness and reconciled himself to what he saw as his duty by studying human behavior. His journals and writings are fascinating.

I'm not saying people can (or should) try to heal themselves with motivational posters, but I do think it helps to know people in the past struggled too and that they found journaling, talking, and exploring human behavior helpful. Maybe that can be inspiring.


Clever_Mercury t1_j5run57 wrote

Yup. He also reinforced an enormous number of drug laws and classifications that made it almost impossible to do medical research for these patients.

If it wasn't a pharmaceutical that could be prescribed to rich white people and turn a company a profit, they didn't want to hear about it. Nixon started that, Regan accelerated it.


Clever_Mercury t1_j3upl5x wrote

If your laundry can be done on your premise or in your home go ahead and throw in some to soak while you're cooking. It feels great to be doubly productive because the machine is taking care of it while you make a meal.

If not, that's fine too. Just play some music while you cook to keep you company.