A bunch of things can help.

Reduce the shit that amps you up all the time or makes you irritable. Coffee. Sugar. Nicotine/drugs. Lack of exercise. Lack of personal time or focus or meditation or whatever. Deal with the stressors outside of the person. Because that's stuff you'll want to take out on others and dislike them for little things that ultimately don't matter. Because really, so what if someone talks slow or is slow. You get your shit done, you don't have to live in comparisons, and that slow talker isn't taking away some precious seconds that you're losing doing other things. Those seconds in that context are almost never that essential.

The other part is just taking a moment to stop making things about how you feel or how you feel wronged or afflicted or that it's an affront to you. They're allowed to have their stories and their existence and they're not to be controlled to fit your speed of things. Sometimes you want to just consume shit fast because your brain moves fast or whatever. But people aren't TikTok. They're people. You can't just swipe them away. I mean, you can. But what a lonely and unappreciative life. Computers work fast. People comparatively never will. And imagine people rushing you when you're sharing things that are meaningful. "Eugene, I'm happy to be marrying you today. From the moment I first laid eyes on you on our first date in..." "Ugh, get to the point. Come on, pick it up." Yeah, that's a quick way to get people to shut down and never want to share with you.

Another part is having some patience and grace and understanding for the things that make other people different from you. Some people learn slower, process slower, get confused. You just don't know their stories. Maybe they lack some self awareness. You don't know the context of people. You might feel powerful being like, "I talk fast and they don't. Ugh, these slow people just can't keep up with me." Well here's some stuff to make you feel like shit. What if they're neurodivergent or mentally handicapped or had a stroke or a developmental disability or are dealing with grief and trauma at home and are overwhelmed easily. Now you feel like a complete piece of shit for thinking these things, right? Think about how that would look to others. Now know that that doesn't matter. That's all the ego being fed and the ego will never be satisfied if that's all you feed. But what's important to understand is that you don't know people.

What if you think you're so awesome compared to them because they can't keep up with you. And it turns out they're musical geniuses or a great parent or an exceptional athlete or volunteer with those in need. It's just their mental resources for this one thing you don't like are being expended elsewhere in something that makes them brilliant.

Sometimes it's that you're only focusing on a small part of people's humanity. They exist in a totality. And that's why it's important to have a patience for a lot of people. Because there's more to people than just what you see that frustrates you or not, and you can start to develop an appreciation for people and what they bring to the world as a whole rather than just seeing them as a function to your story or to fixate on the small parts.

Also, it's okay to feel how you feel. If you're irritated, you're irritated. What's not cool is being a dick about it. But it's okay to feel these things. You can reflect on why. You can even choose how to let things hit you. Maybe you make a choice to be amused and to reframe it that way. Maybe it's a fun game when you hear the story point repeated twice. Maybe it's something that's endearing that they're slow or deliberate. Maybe you just accept that some people do things slow and others quick.

I'll say this of workplace optics. I used to track my employees productivity every day. And the people I saw at their desks the least were the ones who did the most work. The one guy who looked like a snail was just so consistent and focused that he burned through his work more than everyone else. So yeah, it doesn't matter what I saw. If I went off that, I know it'd be my ego projecting rather than hearing people for who they are.

Anyway, hit some mindfulness, hit some meditation. Practice grace and empathy and patience. Shit's not really that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things and I say that not to diminish or dismiss, but to encourage you to see that as a freedom to let things go that don't matter and not to sweat the stuff that's small

I think it's great to dream big. But usually there's something underlying that's trying to be resolved, some need or want within us. To be seen, to be heard, to be validated, to be loved, to have security, to have adventure, to find love, do be creatively open, to experience. All of those things can be achieved without "the thing" being achieved.

One person put it best. One Olympian was being congratulated for winning and being the best, and replied, "I was the best today." Ain't that something. They dreamed for the biggest of the big. And for a variety of so many factors that lined up, that person on that day got their moment. Imagine if they tripped in the hotel an hour before or missed a flight or one of a million reasonable things happening. It doesn't mean it's all over. It just means you didn't get THAT moment. And even if you did get it and it felt good, it doesn't mean it's supposed to last, or that you'd enjoy it if you had it all the time. You get your turn. And then life comes back. You still have to take out the trash, do the laundry, and read to your kids.

And if that big dream doesn't happen to be it, it'll be another. I remember watching an interview with Oscar Isaac who got a starring role in the Star Wars movies. The interviewers were saying, "dude, you're in the biggest franchise ever. That's gotta be the best thing ever." And he was like, "yeah, that's cool, but you know my kids are my life and my world." Dreams and life and everything are meant to change, sometimes the biggest thing stops being that important after a while.

One last one. I was talking with another fellow actor. He was like, "you did THIS!" And I was like, "you did THAT!" And we were sitting there getting jealous of each other's accomplishments. He brilliantly replied in a way that reminded me that we could sit there and look at what the other person did and just drive ourselves mad and never be happy with what we have, but it's best to look at the fact that we were both doing fine.

So it's best to try for something big, appreciate what you do have, and not let your happiness be determined by the outcome. You'll probably be fine.

You have how you feel to things and a stimulus that makes you feel things.

But you also have a choice. You know the pattern. This gives you a choice.

Remember when you first learned to ride a bike and how scary it was. Now remember what it's like now after you've done it a thousand times. It doesn't have to be scary every single time. Bike doesn't have to equal scary. You can certainly choose to make it scary. You can choose to go back to that time when it was scary. Remember all the ways it made you feel. Think and ruminate obsessively over the dangers. And talk yourself into being terrified of bikes.

Or, you can jump on and not give a shit and just ride that bike. Then you can play and do wheelies and go all over your neighborhood.

It's similar with a lot of feelings. Not every single feeling and every single experience. But for a lot of things you do have a choice. I kind of feel like crying from happiness every time I eat french fries. I don't. But I can certainly choose not to let it hit me like that because I'm in public or at the library or in a restroom eating french fries. And people don't need to see me be a sappy mess.

If you're like, "I made a good pizza last night" and your friend is like, "I got a handjob from Gordon Ramsey while he fed me pizza and gave me his recipe book and I made Wolfgang Puck cry from my awesome cooking" and everyone starts paying attention to him, then good. You got what you wanted. You shared your opinion. You know your friend is going to do that. They want or need attention or validation or may be going through their own shit or may just not know how to communicate and have ADHD or autism and is infodumping or is socially awkward or who knows. But that's how they act. Every. Single. Time.

So now you have a choice of how you choose to take it in. You can go in being afraid of that interaction, or disappointed by that action, or let yourself get hit by that action. But you know it's coming. Or, you can let it be something you're having fun with. It's hilarious. Keep a score card. Mess with him back. "I got a pizza." "I got an HJ from Gordon." "Oh, was that your first time?" Or just laugh it off. Because you know it's coming. I have that with friends sometimes when they do their silly things.

In improv, the term is called "Classic Jerry." Jerry is going to do the Jerry thing every time like fart when he's nervous or scream "boner" really loud when asked to do a math problem. Classic Jerry. Jerry is the weird one. And in the scene we're the one who gets laughs because we allow ourselves to fall for it and be led around by Jerry every single time. We, in turn, become the fools by being Jerry's companion. And it's comedy all around. In real life, we remove ourselves from those Jerry's if they're really irritating. Or, we surround ourselves with them and appreciate them in all their Jerryness and laugh at ourselves for putting ourselves next to Jerry. Kind of like how Tommy Wiseau is a maniac, but Greg Sestero has a sense of humor working with him because he knows what he's getting into and he knows it's his choice.

Most people when they one up you generally aren't thinking about you. In fact, most people are just not thinking about you in general. They're probably just excited to talk about whatever and be a part of the conversation and not feel excluded and share and that's what they do. They're not actively trying to diminish your accomplishments or even framing it like that in their heads. If they are, have a serious talk with them, but most people I know who do that are just trying to be included because they may not feel as valuable. So you can have some compassion and grace for that and help them feel that and use that moment not to take it as hurt, but to see an opportunity to help someone who needs to be heard. With awareness, you have a choice.

Also, some people don't have to be the people you share things with or get your validation from. Find those friends who are good at that. Not every friend or colleague or coworker is a one-size-fits-all. People can bring different things to you and if you find they're not giving you something you might like from them, then you know they're not going to be the one to give it to you. He's the "one upsmanship" guy. Your other buddy is the "listen, mirror, empathize, validate" guy. Your other buddy is the "let's go bungee jumping and bro out but not get too deep" guy. Not everyone can be a catch all for everything, even our spouses or significant others. Find your friend who is there to listen to your accomplishments or be that person for yourself. And next time you run into one-upsmanship guy, just wait for it to happen and make a funny sound in your head. Maybe that party horn sound. And it'll be awesome every time you hear it.

I watched the whole thing. First two episodes, then finished the rest last night with some friends.

From my experience watching it after those first two episodes, it was tedious. But I saw a kind of interesting story underneath it. There were elements that were interesting that I really liked. But I felt like it made the audience suffer through an exceptionally unlikable and judgmental protagonist and endless self-congratulatory and witty meta comments to get to the story.

After watching the last 8 last night, it was frustrating. There was interesting character development and arcs and story that you could tell was created by some seasoned creatives. But it was just bogged down a bunch of filler episodes and willful ignorance on behalf of the characters that filled up time away from the characters. This could've been cut down to a feature length and been much more interesting. At one point, it started to get interesting. It was focused on the characters. People were doing things. I was into it. Then moments later I remember there was a scene where Velma commented on flashbacks, and they went into a whole routine about that. I screamed, "nooooo!" My buddy was like, "that was the biggest laugh I had in this show." At one point we started to have an intense moment where the killer showed up. And then they went into a parody rather than pulling us into the story. And I think this is what this show did. Every time you started to care, it found a way to take you out of the moment and make you not care.

By the end, once they were all together solving the mysteries, it was really interesting. But it really made you slog through a lot of tedious self-commentary and endless mean jokes to get to there. And by the end, the story was okay. It was a mystery. I wanted to see it solved. Honestly I wouldn't have minded if they trashed all the jokes and filler and made this a pg-13 show that just focused on the mystery part. That actually would have worked better than this. Of course there were a few jokes that were funny, but maybe once every episode or two. And a few interesting and creative things, like the mean girl brains. Daphne was probably the most interesting character to watch, followed by Fred. Norville was okay once his storyline became about him and his girlfriend. And the title character was exhausting with how awful she was to everyone.

Overall, kinda interesting story, decent performances, and kind of interesting character development that made you suffer through a lot of frustrating comedy and commentary that made the show feel like if Twitter wrote it.

Grave of the Fireflies - brilliant film that is worthy of historical preservation and will leave you devastated.

5 Centimeters Per Second - amazing film about growing older and the passing of time

Akira - it's just a brilliant mind bending movie, with visuals and storytelling unlike anything out there

I think what works well is activities. I've never been one to go to the bars just to talk. But I like going to concerts and events and meeting people there.

Same with hosting. If you're like "let's get together." For some groups, that's the best. For others that's a lot of sitting around and not having much to say.

So if you want to host people at your place, make a point to do something interesting that will get you all excited. Board game night. Mario Kart soiree. Pot luck. Movie night. Sports games. Barbecues. Swingers party. Grave tipping. Puppy play dates. Wine tasting. Jack Box Party Pack games. Form a band. Watch Nathan For You. Build some stuff. Arts and crafts.

Those ones are pretty commonly the reasons to have people over. But you just have to make the plan ahead of time. And then afterwards you have tons of stuff to talk about.

It reminds me of when people use the term groupie. Usually we think of it like someone who's a fan of someone in a band, at least using the term casually. But it also means someone who had sex with multiple members of a band or follows them on tour to have sex with them.