You are looking incredible and your photos, at least on this profile, are not provocative but show your amazing success. You should be proud of yourself!

Your husband sounds incredibly abusive tbh. Trauma doesn’t excuse abusive behavior. Have you ever talked to him like he did to you just because he was obese? How would he have reacted to that? My guess is, he wouldn’t have tolerated it. Nor would he tolerate you lusting after other men, correct?

Men and women see when someone else is attractive, that’s normal. But no, many of us don’t go out of our way to initiate contact with these people. It’s more an acknowledgment that someone is good looking. Doing it this obvious and maliciously is also something most people wouldn’t do, because it’s disrespectful and hurtful. And then all the abusive and degrading comments? No. Just no. Most people do not treat their partners this way.

His threat to me sounds like he’s either wanting to divorce or to cheat on you, if you continue posting. So now his abusive behavior has just shifted focus, but still continues.

You deserve respect, kindness and love. What you guys have is a toxic cycle of wanting to hurt each other and him being verbally abusive. Do you want the next 10 years to continue living like that?

Maybe try marriage counseling to work on communication with professional help. But if it were me, I’d probably stop investing into this relationship and focus on leaving instead.

Do not buy a house with him unless all these issues have been resolved. He’s not putting in the work as a father or a husband and seems to desperately need a wake up call.

He doesn’t seem to realize what he’s jeopardizing. Have you established an open device policy? Would he be okay with you looking at things like that or male escorts?

You and your kids deserve so so much better.

Sending you all the hugs!

This has nothing to do with all this beta or alpha bull crap, but it does have to do with you being so in love that you’re being purposefully blind and making excuses.

There’s always HR, there’s leaving the job (even if it requires moving away. If the situation is as bad as she says, she’d most likely do it) there’s properly ending the relationship with you. Usually I’m inclined to believe women when it comes to things like these, but her story sounds kinda sketchy to me. Regardless, at least the first time was just old fashioned cheating. Is he her boss or “just” a coworker? There’s ways for her to collect proof of what he’s allegedly doing, but she’s not doing that either. Things like recording conversations or getting him to put anything in writing via text. Having someone “accidentally” overhear a conversation where she expresses her concerns to him about the situation again.

Do you think she is in physical danger? If yes, then it’s time to convince her to become more proactive and put a stop to this.

If she is telling the truth, then she’s still choosing to stay in the situation and not change anything. That means there’s nothing you can do but look out for yourself now. It’s not fair of her to expect you to endure the constant betrayal and hurt. End it asap. Remove yourself from this dumpster fire. I’m almost sure you’ll see her announce a relationship with him soon enough. But I’m kinda jaded Ig.

You deserve better. Be strong and think of yourself in this first. You’ve got this! If she reaches out for help in a platonic capacity later on, you can re-evaluate if you want to help her in any way that doesn’t cross your boundaries. But NC or very low LC might be best for now, if you decide to leave.

If you do decide on sending them, which a lot of partners appreciate, then make sure they don’t show your face or other identifying features. At least in the beginning. It’s a good way to be a bit more comfortable and not have to fear negative repercussions.. Something like a picture of your boobs with an invitation to do a naked video call or something like that could break the ice.

Hm, I’ve only been disappointed when taking back a cheater. Also, having such a huge issue within the first few months would make me think that it’s not worth my time and effort to invest even more into this. But you are not me and he isn’t the guys I dated.

Maybe have a look at the sub r/AsOneAfterInfidelity. You’ll find lots of resources on what is important for reconciliation there. Plus lots of people who are actively going through the process or have done so in the past/are considering it.

What’s definitely important to know is why he did it in the first place. Without that knowledge, who’s to say it won’t happen again? I’d also request to have an open device policy for both of you. Absolute transparency about who you both are spending time with and so on.. Also very important, if you decide on reconciliation you both need patience, especially him. Building trust back up properly takes a long time, so he needs to be understanding of occasional doubts or insecurities you may have.

Good luck with whatever you decide!

I think it may not be about the haircut but about change in general. Could that be true?

Yes, crying over this is extreme, but I don’t think it has anything to do with manliness, like this other commenter suggests. It does sound like there is a deeper rooted issue that needs to be addressed.

What may help is to train your brain to refocus away from the hair. So every time you think of it or look at it concentrate on other aspects of your gf that you adore. List 3-5 things in your head and focus on them. Her eyes, her lips, her laugh, her movements, the look on het face when she sees you.. As soon as you think of/see the hair, go through the list of other things and bring your focus back onto what’s more important or outweighs the haircut.

I would recommend to have a look into the actual reason for your emotional response, especially if it’s something that comes up with other issues too. Not because you should never cry, but because it’s obviously a mental strain for you and thus a burden.