I did too, and I totally understand what you're referring to. That's exactly why I believe so strongly that men should express themselves honestly without hiding behind platitudes that only feed in to negative stereotypes. Nothing is going to get better unless we stand up for our right to be who we really are.

I am not without sympathy for the people who are in a situation where it's dangerous to express themselves. But it's all the more reason why we should push back against the culture that forces them to do so, not embrace it.

I'm not blaming Old-Passenger-9065. You'll notice that all I said to him was that I'm glad it works for him and his wife. How he plays his game and manages his relationship is his own business.

But the OP of the thread was asking for advice, and my advice to him would be not to do what Old-Passenger is doing, but to embrace his enjoyment of playing female characters without shame and fear. I would advise him not to enter into a romantic relationship with someone that he can't be himself around, even if that means staying single for longer than he otherwise would have.

I don't say this to judge or shame you, Don_Bugen, but I think you would really benefit from talking to someone and working through the issues you have in this area. I've been there. I think if you were able to step back and look at this thread objectively, you would see that we're basically on the same side of this issue.

I think you need to chill. No one's attacking straight men here. I am a male who's attracted to women. There's nothing wrong with that.

However, there are many things to enjoy about games other than your avatar's appearance. Story, gameplay, environments, and so on. And there are many things to enjoy about your avatar other than the gender of their ass. Customization, roleplaying, and self-expression for instance. Straight men are no less capable of appreciating these things than anyone else.

Someone who indicates, even with hyperbole, loudly and publicly that they ignore these things to focus on visual arousal is indicating themselves to be a shallow and vulgar person. This is true whether they're a straight male, and straight woman, or a queer person.

I just find it ironic that people prefer this to having their sexuality questioned. I also find it problematic that enjoying a game on a more sophisticated level than pornography could cause a male's sexuality to be questioned. So I push back against this narrative whenever I see it.

Well, it sounds like we're largely in agreement about the term and why it's used. I certainly didn't mean to sound like I was advocating for people to be seen as lesser.

I just find it a little ironic that people defend the decision they're embarrassed about with an explanation that I personally would find more embarrassing. Like, if someone was embarrassed about their interest in anime and they said, "I swear, I just watch it to ogle at the waifus!" That, to me, would be more embarrassing than watching it for the stories and characters, not less.

I'm all for anyone to play games the way they want, even people who actually want stare at their character's ass. But I'm still amused at the fact that people try to stave off embarrassment by leaning on an explanation that, when thought through, is more embarrassing than the majority of alternatives that come to mind.

I consider that completely valid. But I think you just showed that it's possible to say that without needlessly sexualizing and objectifying your character by focusing on their ass.

Agreed. It feels like it's just defensiveness. "If I play as a girl, it must be because I'm so masculine and heterosexual in real life!"

Not that I have anything against guys who play female characters. I've done it myself a few times. But I find this excuse kind of cringey. You don't need an excuse, just play the way you want to.

I've been hearing this explanation for 20+ years. I'm glad it works for you and your wife, but I can't be the only one who doesn't stare at my character's ass the whole time I play games, can I?