CuckooPint

CuckooPint t1_jeeir32 wrote

Look, as someone who considers my husband to be my best friend, let me tell you what true love is.

True love is not a turbulent whirlwind of excitement and adrenaline. True love has the same vibe of sitting cuddled up in a warm cosy cabin with a fire burning in the hearth and snow gently falling outside the window. It's not meant to be a rush of excitement. It's meant to be comfortable. My relationship with my husband is exactly that. Warm and comfortable and relaxing and gentle and safe. It's not about always wanting to jump into bed with each other. It's wanting to always be side by side. To hold each other. To respect each other. To be forever comfortable and warm in each other's presences.

The "high" of being constantly wild and turbulent is not true love. It's lust/infatuation. It's being obsessed with the idea of a person (or the perfect image you have of that person when they aren't showing their flaws), not actually bonding with them as a soulmate.

But, that said,

It's only been six months. Now is NOT the time to get married.

You need to spend longer together, to truly know each other and your relationship. Because yes, sometimes things will fizzle out, or you will notice flaws that weren't present during the honeymoon period.

And what I will say is this: you personally need more time to learn what a healthy relationship feels like. It's not a good idea to immediately latch on to the first person you have found a healthy relationship with just because you're finally in a place of emotional safety.

I am not saying break up. I am saying do give your relationship a chance, but put off things like marriage or major commitments until you know you're ready and that your partner really is the one, and that you're not just clinging to him because he's the only person who's ever provided a healthy safe relationship for you.

8

CuckooPint t1_iuk30vi wrote

Before you even think about marrying this woman, you need to have two clear conversations:

  1. Does she or does she not want children?
  2. Is she ever going to stand up to/break away from her creepy sexual assault-enabling parents?

In the case of the former, if she decides she doesn't want kids and you do, that is gonna be a big problem. A couple having vastly different life goals is going to cause problems, no matter how much you care for each other.

In the case of the latter, she sounds very sheltered and controlled by these parents of hers who, as this situation shows, are toxic to the point of encouraging their daughter's partner to stealth her in order to forcibly get her pregnant. Is your girlfriend able to see how fucked up these people are, and is she going to do anything about it? Because if not, you'll be marrying into a family of sexual assault apologists.

30