One time, we were throwing a party at my house, and the cops did show up, but we were smart and marked hands with a circle for 21+, and an X for <21, so the underages just had to put their drinks down.

Except for one of my friends, and one of my roommates friends, who had never met before, and were the only two black people at the party, each climbed onto the washer and dryer, crouched, and pulled the French doors shut.

Cops left pretty soon, and we were wondering where the fuck D and R were, until they knocked on the doors to the laundry nook because the hinges were stuck.

Don’t want to get bummed out by your bum

No, you’re not wrong, Walter, you’re just an asshole!

One of our semi regular patients when I worked at a psych hospital typically went off his meds when with his dad (dad said he didn’t need the meds, just more Jesus and prayer). Anyway, long story short, one time dad got him to stop his meds, and in his ensuing paranoid delusional state killed his dad, with a gardening hoe. I remember saying, that’s why you don’t mess around with them hoes. Never have I made more people start busting out laughing while giving me death glares.