DonaldTrumpTinyHands t1_j4ywskp wrote

"Where are we going? I'm quite happy where I am and I haven't done anything wrong.", I said, annoyed by the suit and the two goons that had showed up on my doorstep.

"You can do this the easy way or the hard way Mr Yibblibobbly".

"For the third time, that is not my name. I am James Kowalski".

"Brrraaapp! Listen to the sanity on this one!".

The suit started hopping on one leg and the goons followed, guffawing like demented gorilla amputees.

"Come with us Mr babbly Bibby, there are plenty of comfy chairs in the sane asylum!", the suit screeched, eyes rolling. Without warning, one of his hoodlums jumped me and I was forcibly dragged into the back of the windowless van, the door slammed behind. Inside was a hot tub lit in lurid neon green lighting, filled with purple foam and containing a rubber duck. I was fully clothed and hence soaked.

I sat up inside the tub and held on for dear life as the van screeched off and veered across the road while the suit and his goons honked the horn and sang sea shanties loudly and raucously. The journey lasted around an hour but i wasn't sure as they had confiscated my phone and watch. Most of the foam from the hot tub was emptied due to the erratic driving by the time we arrived at the destination.

The doors were opened and I slid out onto the grass in a pool of purple foam, dazzled by the bright light of the sun. "Where are we?" I moaned, nursing my bruises from the hellish journey.

"Why it's Snoop Dog's house of course! He's the most sane person alive! YARRRRRRP".

With that I was hoisted over the wall and rudely dumped onto the grass. The goons and the suit could be heard howling like dogs as they drove rapidly away. Snoop Dog was there on the lawn waiting for me with a cup of tea and a scone.


DonaldTrumpTinyHands t1_j2dtn7y wrote

My sister used to work in Yakage, a small village close to Okayama. They had a single carriage train like this to get there from the city. There was a kid with aspergers on the train who knew all the words and dance moves to the latest J-Pop songs much to the amusement of his classmates. My sister had a whole house to herself next to a river. When I visited her, i was invited to take part in the Aki Matsuri by the locals. I wore traditional clothes and carried the Mikoshi whilst getting steadily more and more drunk.


DonaldTrumpTinyHands t1_iuikw2v wrote

The kid was sitting on the side of his bed, kicking his legs and shovelling doritos in his mouth with a sticky paw. He sat staring thoughtfully at the demon like this for several seconds.

"I'm Blagg the offendor, minion of the master of the twelfth realm. You, erm, summoned me?" Blagg cleared his throat nervously.

The kid wiped his mouth. "You stink", he said matter of factly.

"Well, er yes it's known about demons, we do tend to be quite smelly. Now i see you're all ready for halloween. It's actually my favourite time to go out and scare people. Is there someone you'd like me to menace?"

"I'm Craig and I'm a DOOMSLAYER, we slay demons for a LIVING", said Craig, leaping up on the bed to emphasise his full height, all 4ft of 8 yr old might. He pointed his cardboard super shotgun at the demon and started making "pew pew" noises. This somewhat annoyed Blagg the offendor.

"Well Craig, look at you all fierce and powerful. Looks like you're the master of me. How about you let me take a look at that gun of yours?" Blagg leered at Craig.

"Sure you can have a look but be careful, my Dad made it and he spent like 3 hours on it".

Blagg took the weapon, and using his connections to the twelfth dimension, subtely shifted its reality. Craig took it back and immediately dropped it in astonishment. "Heyy it's heavy! What did you do??"

"It's real now Craig. Also, check out your suit. That's full armour, you can jump higher than a house and you can take a hit from a tank. Only one, mind. You're not invincible. Oh, and that tube on your shoulder is a RPG launcher. Now go out and meet your friends and have some fun".

"All right! Stinky Blagg you're the best!" Craig ran downstairs and out through the front door, the hydraulics of his suit sounding out into the crisp halloween air.

The mayhem that followed went down in history as the worst destruction ever witnessed in Dexter, Maine. Houses without candy were blown sky high. A police helicopter was blown out of the sky. Reports of the tiny green ninja with the rocket launcher were flooding the emergency lines the whole night.

However demons know better than to put paid to their main source of fun. Miraculously nobody was hurt. Craig went to bed exhausted and when he woke up, the demon was gone and the costume and the gun was a pile of dirty soggy cardboard.

Police are still on the lookout for a tiny green assailant with an rpg and a shotgun, believed to be a terrorist.


DonaldTrumpTinyHands t1_it2bdph wrote

I'd be interested to hear from both of you in this thread. Firstly your lengthy post is quite remarkable for an AMA about a movie that wasn't really a hit outside of china, scored 5.4 out of 10 om IMDB and is largely viewed as propaganda with pro-china views and historical inaccuracies. Notwithstanding that the US has made similar propaganda movies such as Pearl Harbor. From a Chinese national point of view, knowing that the movie is historically inaccurate and largely ignored outside of china, what is it that appeals to you about this movie?