Do you just want the thing not to work with no information as to why?

How else would you like to be informed that you are currently requesting internet access with no way for your mobile to do that?

I usually upgrade when the battery can’t manage my usage through an average day anymore. Then my phone goes to my dad, his phone to my aunt, her phone to my nephew…we have an entire recycling line in the family.

Is there a care home near your location where he could go? We transferred my grandmother over to where my parents and I live, after my aunt’s accounts of what she was doing vs what the care home staff had to tell, didn’t match up. It is a lot of work, despite the care home, and we were in and out pretty much every day, but it is so, so worth it, when you realise the loved one is feeling better.

It is your choice. Nobody can take it from you. Your girlfriend has very clearly stated that she isn’t comfortable with the state of affairs and that’s what you have to work with. It doesn’t matter if I don’t see a problem and the next commenter believes you have basically cheated. What is and is not appropriate in a relationship is purely down to the people involved - and in this case, the person involved aka your girlfriend has said, she isn’t fine with it. That means either drawing clear boundaries with your female best friend or making it clear to your gf that this is non-negotiable, which might well mean, she might leave. Drawing boundaries with your best friend will also effect that relationship, so again, this is your choice and nobody can make it for you. You need to figure out what you want.

What the actual f…?

Are you going to discuss this plan with her or is the plan to cover her with gifts and hope for the best?

Well, fixing ‘all your issues’ is going to be unrealistic and depression sadly ignores gender as a rule, so her instructions are going to be hard to pull off. Would working on ‘your issues’ with a therapist possibly help? You won’t be able to guarantee that depression will never happen again, all you can do is be proactive about it. Again, actions more than words will be your friend. I also don’t think that feeling of ‘hate’ is going to really go away, if you work on yourself. You will need to talk to tackle that. You also desperately need clarification, if she was also unhappy once you weren’t depressed anymore, as her comments keep suggesting as much.

You really showing her, how much she means to you, is great, but it won’t actually fix the underlying problem. You can’t keep up this level of energy until you two are old and grey - especially being non-combative if something is bothering you, is not a long term strategy.

How much is “too much” only you can decide - I don’t know her. Each person is different.

But yeah, I know I am repeating myself, but what you need is lots and lots of open and honest communication, even if it might not feel great at the time.

Uff. I feel you, as I have depression as well and have treated people poorly as a result (which I only realised later, once I was better - thanks, brain).

I’m a bit confused on the timeline here: Her comment that you needed a breakup to act nice and attentive kind of implies that she feels even after you returned to your field and got out of your depression, you were still not being what she needed? Is that right? Because if she isn’t satisfied with ‘non-depressed you’, it is a different situation than if she just hates the depressed period.

What has definitely happened, is that your depressive episode left it’s mark on your girlfriend - and you need to talk about that. She needs a chance to verbalise her hurt, confusion and what she went through, while you were trapped in the depression bubble. Hate is a strong word - there is a lot of emotion there, which she hasn’t really worked through properly. I feel it might also be worth while looking at what happened on your end - how did you slip into asshole mode and how far? Did people point out that you were an asshole and you refused to get help? Really open up about how you felt during that time, including all vulnerabilities, though be very careful that you don’t slip into comparisons or a pity party. This is about her emotions and so she can understand what was happening at the other end, to help her contextualise what happened.

What I’d also do, is make a proactive plan. You’ve now had a depressive episode - you need to learn from that. “Don’t work 70 hours per week in a dead end job” is not a sufficient take away. What were the early warning signs that your mental health was slipping? What are symptoms you can look out for? What were the steps along the way until you reached rock bottom? What are you going to do at each of these stages to break this pattern before you turn suicidal, if this happens again? Showing that you are doing your damnest to prevent this from ever happening again, will do more than any assurances that it is over (also, incidentally, will be worth a lot, if you start slipping again - with or without your girlfriend. My tip is to stick that emergency plan somewhere where you can easily access it AND give a copy to your best friend, as sometimes others can see what we can’t).

After all that, see if she is prepared to allow for healing to happen. She might still want to break up, which sucks. Whatever happens, she will likely need time to digest. This will also not be done in one evening’s discussion and will likely keep bubbling up for a while. Honestly, let her dictate the pace. Feel the mood. Allow her to shout at you and cry if that’s what’s needed.

I wish you the very best. It sucks when depression massacres a relationship, but sadly it happens. At that stage all you can do is try to repair and attempt to learn for the future.