For starters, don't quit your job over a relatively new relationship. If you quit, do it because it's for you, and have something else lined up. In her head, she probably thought she was fine with it because she cares about your happiness, but realized she wasn't currently able to provide what you need.
Neither of you are in the wrong, you expressed a concern within the relationship, she offered you a compromise, and now she's feeling bad about and probably feels worse about the idea of bringing up how much she's disliking her own compromise. The frequency is likely also bothering her- she probably assumed you would do this once in a blue moon to blow off steam but now that it's happening, she's having regrets. She has feelings for this guy, she probably wants to open herself up in that way again, but she can't at this point in her life, and now she thinks she isn't providing him with "everything he needs and wants in a partner."
She needs therapy. If her first time was truly so awful it's left her unable and unwilling to have sex, she needs help. I don't want to make assumptions about what she's gone through, but I'm going to assume the worst because she sounds similar to me before I got therapy. All the love in the world won't change things for her.
If you want things to work out with her, which honestly I'm not sure if it will at this point, you guys have to find a different compromise. There should have been more communication between you two. I would have recommended doing other bobs and bits to warm her up over time to make her comfortable with being vulnerable about you before jumping into sleeping with someone else. Unless she's into her partner sleeping with other people (which based on her reaction, she isn't), no one is going to be okay hearing about their SO having sex with someone else. You can't ask for a timeline because she doesn't know if/when she will be ready and she cares enough about your happiness to let you have "casual sex", but she probably hoped deep down you would have been willing to wait for her. You guys need to sit down and talk, but honestly, I don't see things working out. Sexual incompatibility is okay to break up over, regardless of how much you two care about one another.
GymLeaderMia t1_jeax3ae wrote
Reply to My (24M) girlfriend (25F) of 6 months is having trouble accepting me having casual sex despite consent. What should I do? by [deleted]
For starters, don't quit your job over a relatively new relationship. If you quit, do it because it's for you, and have something else lined up. In her head, she probably thought she was fine with it because she cares about your happiness, but realized she wasn't currently able to provide what you need.
Neither of you are in the wrong, you expressed a concern within the relationship, she offered you a compromise, and now she's feeling bad about and probably feels worse about the idea of bringing up how much she's disliking her own compromise. The frequency is likely also bothering her- she probably assumed you would do this once in a blue moon to blow off steam but now that it's happening, she's having regrets. She has feelings for this guy, she probably wants to open herself up in that way again, but she can't at this point in her life, and now she thinks she isn't providing him with "everything he needs and wants in a partner."
She needs therapy. If her first time was truly so awful it's left her unable and unwilling to have sex, she needs help. I don't want to make assumptions about what she's gone through, but I'm going to assume the worst because she sounds similar to me before I got therapy. All the love in the world won't change things for her.
If you want things to work out with her, which honestly I'm not sure if it will at this point, you guys have to find a different compromise. There should have been more communication between you two. I would have recommended doing other bobs and bits to warm her up over time to make her comfortable with being vulnerable about you before jumping into sleeping with someone else. Unless she's into her partner sleeping with other people (which based on her reaction, she isn't), no one is going to be okay hearing about their SO having sex with someone else. You can't ask for a timeline because she doesn't know if/when she will be ready and she cares enough about your happiness to let you have "casual sex", but she probably hoped deep down you would have been willing to wait for her. You guys need to sit down and talk, but honestly, I don't see things working out. Sexual incompatibility is okay to break up over, regardless of how much you two care about one another.