HardcoreMandolinist t1_j2c4a6a wrote

I went through it and I didn't recognize any grammar or tense issues. I find it's easier for me to notice that kind of thing in others' writing than in my own. Can you point them out for me.

I was worried while I was writing it whether the whole thing might come off as cliché but I guess that's not always a bad thing. As you said, you think it's well executed and I would agree that the manner of writing can sometimes be more important the substance.

As for the bear? I was thinking about putting more gags in involving it, but it was really late in the morning for me and I just wanted to post something.

All said and done I'm really glad that you enjoyed it, and based on my upvote count so far, others are enjoying it too. This is a real confidence boost for me to continue working on my writing skills and putting more work out there.


HardcoreMandolinist t1_j2bth79 wrote

I like the use of misdirection at the beginning.

Very imaginative and vibrant imagery throughout and extremely silly in all the best ways.

The idea of love or affection seems to be a theme with this prompt but this is still a very good execution.

I look forward to reading more from you.


HardcoreMandolinist t1_j2beiqn wrote

Reply to comment by Cat_supremacy2 in [WP] last line by Cat_supremacy2


It's going to be on a super touchy subject that I won't get into here so I'm hoping that the execution will be the thing to carry the ready through.

I think I have a fair idea of how to handle most issues I'll run into during the writing process but the biggest hurdle is actually sitting down and getting the writing done.

Right now I kind of want to focus on this sub just doing some prompts to get my muscles working and maybe build some confidence. I just posted my first public piece of creative writing ever. I don't think it's my best work but I don't think it's bad either. It's been up for 16 hours and has 55 upvotes; so far so good.


HardcoreMandolinist t1_j2bbbyj wrote

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It doesn't work with my story.

The basic ending is that the main character confesses to his friend about all of the terrible things he's been doing. The chapter ends in black.

The next chapter starts with a little misdirection but it turns out that all the preceeding chapters have been a more thorough and nuanced confession to his friend but when he verbally confessed his friend murders him.The remaining text is about the friend coming to terms over some years with why it all happened and understanding that the confession was a way to help prevent others from following in the same path.


HardcoreMandolinist t1_j2b844j wrote

Reply to comment by AutoModerator in [WP] last line by Cat_supremacy2

Funny thing is I'm working on a book sort of like this except most of the book is narrated by the pro/antagonist and then the last chapter or two is narrated by the friend. I don't have much more than a few chapters actually written out yet though and I'm struggling with exactly how to do the part from the friend's point of view.


HardcoreMandolinist t1_j283ind wrote


Can you offer any specific critique? I've been writing here and there for some years now but have rarely had the opportunity for someone to read my work and so have had little input from others.

I'm especially worried about my dialogue. When I read others' dialogue all too often I find it to be stiff and unrealistic. I worry that mine falls into the same traps and I wonder how to avoid them.


HardcoreMandolinist t1_j27zibq wrote

How the shit does this even happen? Fml.

I watched motionlessly, the blood pouring from my face as the driver of our Isekai truck swerved away from the kid. The kid who was supposed to become a great warrior and help save an entire kingdom from complete decimation.

“Dude, what are you gonna do? There’s no way we can use a grizzly and we can’t get authorization for another truck,” I said.

“We get a druid.”

“¿Qué?” I was beyond baffled.

“I said we get a druid.”

“Never mind the fact that the nearest druid is thousands of miles to the West and centuries earlier how the hell is a druid going to help?”

“They can cast an awaking spell on the bear.”

Marty looked at me like a toddler who just learned how to use a spoon. “Dude. This isn’t fucking Forgotten Realms it’s Edo Japan. There’s no fucking magic!”

“I know, I know. But we can still make it work. We just go to some fantasy world, grab a druid, bring him to the grizzly and have him awaken it.” That same silly grin on his face.

“And how do you suppose we get the druid there?”

He literally pointed into the air and said “We use a wizard!”

I hung my head in dismay. “So we just find a wizard, convince him to transport a druid between universes and have the druid awaken a seventeen-hundred pound grizzly then proceed to have the grizzly save the kingdom. Sounds simple enough. You just forgot one simple detail. What the actual fuck is an awakened grizzly bear doing in Edo Japan?”

“Shit. I hadn’t thought about that.”

That’s the thing you hadn’t thought about? Seriously?”

“Okay, maybe we can—“

“Shut the fuck up for a minute. Let me think.” Marty looked a little hurt but I just ignored him. I paced the room for a few minutes trying to figure out how to get around his fuck up. I told him we should just wait until the kid flies to San Francisco. The plane was going to crash. It even would have been less paperwork since there wasn’t going to be any evidence of bodies, much less survivors. There were way too many variables while he was still in Alaska. Our Isekai truck was a 16-wheeler on an icy highway and that alone didn’t guarantee the kid would be hit. That kind of transport vehicle (no pun intended) is usually reserved for frivolous stories like a great-great-great-neice meeting her peasant aunt. Stories with no consequence. Usually when someone hits the wrong target you can still manage to make due with them. Generations removed it’s usually easy enough to convince poor old Aunt Elsie that she never had any nieces and this is actually her nephew. But shit man… A grizzly? I’ve seen some fuck ups before but this one takes the cake.

Then it hit me.

“We can use a wizard.”

“Wait… Aren’t you the one who just told me this isn’t a table-top game?”

“Yeah, but a powerful enough wizard can transport someone between any universes.”

“And where are we going to find a wizard that powerful?”

“Wait. You’re the one who had the wizard idea to begin with. You didn’t think about that?”


“Nevermind. I think I know just the guy.” I gave him a somewhat sinister grin.

A look of recognition slowly formed on his face. “Dude. He’ll fucking kill you.”

“Yeah and so will our manager.” Neither one of us was joking. “We don’t have a choice.”

It’s maybe a bit cliché? I like the idea of going meta though.

This is the first time I’ve ever written for a prompt. Please let me know what you think.


HardcoreMandolinist t1_j27aijq wrote

Yeah, I remember that.

From a scientific stand point the premise was all kinds of flawed. It makes for cool sci-fi but personally I reject the idea of actually using it as sci-fi because too many people believe that it's actually plausible and it just perpetuates bad science ideas.

I just did a search on this subject and this article from psychology today was the first one I clicked on. It just so happens to make reference to Lucy.


HardcoreMandolinist t1_j26w8ze wrote

You're saying that the 100% of your brain thing is bullshit, right?

If you use 100% of your brain at once you're having a seizure.

To clarify it's the fact that we're not using all of our brain at once that gives it any meaning. I would be kind of like finding a meaningful message in a string of 86 Billion ones and not a single zero. There is no meaning, it's just... on.

To be fair this is an oversimplification and I'm not qualified to explain it much better but it is a fallacy that using all of our brain would be beneficial.