I fully understand your problem and fear of loosing the relation with her. I find myself in a very similiar situation.
I have known my best friend through 20 years, we have not been best friends all 20 years, we started out as co-workers and through that we got a closer and closer friendship which also included our partners. Throughout the 20 years we have supported each other through almost every kind of problems, and thereby building a very strong friendship.
A few years ago she broke up with her boyfriend, I supported her best possible with building a new home for her and her children. It meant the world to me, to be able to support and help her and I felt the strongest, honest and must relaible bond to any person, that I have ever felt.
Approx. 18 months ago, I felt that she suddenly from one day to another, changed her behavior towards me, not a lot, but I felt it and it scared me very much and made me very afraid of loosing the special bond we had. Because the change was small, I didn't bring it up with her, because I was also uncertain, if it was just going on in my head. I thought a lot about the change and in some degree I guess it also changed my behavior towards her, because I got afraid of increasing the distance between us. We were still very supportive to each other with many things, but I felt a change, also by seeing her using other friends more and more instead of me.
Through the past 18 months I have divorced my wife for completely other reasons, but through these 18 months my feelings towards my friend also got more romantic, probably in some degree driven by my fear of loosing her as my best friend. It have never been my intention to develop these feelings or to start a relationship with her, I have always considered it to be my problem, which I had to deal with.
My friend has been through some health issues and got an operation 1.5 month ago from which she have a long recovery period. A couple of weeks after the operation, she went from being in daily contact with me to contacting me more rarely, maybe one or two times per week, I have of course tried to maintain the contract, but with little success. This is very very hard on me and I can't see how to get by. I have tried to figure out, what went wrong. In this proces I wrote her, what I felt 18 months ago, and how it made me scared of loosing her as my best friend.
She tells me nothing is wrong, she just don't want my help so much anymore. But I fell something else must be wrong, but I don't know what it is.
I blame myself a lot for this situation, and I think a lot about what I can do. For now my conclusion is, that I must try to give her peace and space and see what happens, but this is also very difficult, because giving up is not a thing I normally do.
So for misspelling english is not my first language.
Hundekiksenergod t1_jdlrdxy wrote
Reply to TIFU by telling me best friend I had feelings for her by idi0t99
I fully understand your problem and fear of loosing the relation with her. I find myself in a very similiar situation. I have known my best friend through 20 years, we have not been best friends all 20 years, we started out as co-workers and through that we got a closer and closer friendship which also included our partners. Throughout the 20 years we have supported each other through almost every kind of problems, and thereby building a very strong friendship. A few years ago she broke up with her boyfriend, I supported her best possible with building a new home for her and her children. It meant the world to me, to be able to support and help her and I felt the strongest, honest and must relaible bond to any person, that I have ever felt. Approx. 18 months ago, I felt that she suddenly from one day to another, changed her behavior towards me, not a lot, but I felt it and it scared me very much and made me very afraid of loosing the special bond we had. Because the change was small, I didn't bring it up with her, because I was also uncertain, if it was just going on in my head. I thought a lot about the change and in some degree I guess it also changed my behavior towards her, because I got afraid of increasing the distance between us. We were still very supportive to each other with many things, but I felt a change, also by seeing her using other friends more and more instead of me. Through the past 18 months I have divorced my wife for completely other reasons, but through these 18 months my feelings towards my friend also got more romantic, probably in some degree driven by my fear of loosing her as my best friend. It have never been my intention to develop these feelings or to start a relationship with her, I have always considered it to be my problem, which I had to deal with. My friend has been through some health issues and got an operation 1.5 month ago from which she have a long recovery period. A couple of weeks after the operation, she went from being in daily contact with me to contacting me more rarely, maybe one or two times per week, I have of course tried to maintain the contract, but with little success. This is very very hard on me and I can't see how to get by. I have tried to figure out, what went wrong. In this proces I wrote her, what I felt 18 months ago, and how it made me scared of loosing her as my best friend. She tells me nothing is wrong, she just don't want my help so much anymore. But I fell something else must be wrong, but I don't know what it is. I blame myself a lot for this situation, and I think a lot about what I can do. For now my conclusion is, that I must try to give her peace and space and see what happens, but this is also very difficult, because giving up is not a thing I normally do. So for misspelling english is not my first language.