Don't beat yourself up, I think you were clear about your meaning and you certainly haven't been difficult about things at all. Best of luck.

You’ve definitely caught feelings, or have had them for a long time judging by your post. Paying for almost everything for two years in a purely platonic friendship (barring extreme income disparity) is more than a little unusual.

What do you think you have to make up for? This self flagellation is unhealthy.