This is cliché but now often the saying "it's not you it's me" is actually true. It's so easy to think there is something wrong with you when things don't go right but really there usually isn't anything wrong with you and it truly is the other person. In your case she liked to party and do coke (you really want to be with someone who uses coke??). She never told you she wanted something serious and you said you weren't sure. So really no one lied to anyone here. She probably got the feeling that you were starting to get interested in more (nothig wrong with that) and realized she just wasn't. So nothing you did except for possibly wanting more.

I lost a few really good friendships and I still don't know why. And of course my mind blames myself first because if this something I did maybe I can fix it. We don't have control over how other feel or think. We can't make them want to be our friend or lover. We can do everything right amd still not be their person.

Sounds like you have some self esteem issues/anxiety. If you have access to therapy that might be a good palce to start. I've been there done that and therapy was definitely very helpful

He keeps crossing boundaries because you let him. He will continue to cheat and lie because he knows he can get away with it. Get divorced. There are no other options unless you want to stay married and be continuously lied to and cheated on.