I think the fact that he wouldn’t show you the questionable threads is a huge red flag. And the fact he lied about it and the story kept slightly changing.

Y’all clearly have trust issues. Maybe he’s cheating, maybe not, but it needs to be addressed seriously

He’s a total liar and he’s definitely cheating or considering it at the very list. He’s already changed his story a bunch of times AND has a history of cheating.

You deserve better! Show him that you respect yourself and dump his sorry ass

He doesn’t have to do anything at all he doesn’t want to. Hes able to be independent like an adult, but I’m reality he’s being coddled like a teenage boy.

Also sounds like an awful case of enmeshment/emotional incest. Where’s his dad at?

Red pills dudes have an audience of mostly dudes who can’t get women. They give AWFUL dating advice and are very off base about women. They give this awful advice to keep you single, and then going to them for more advice.

Block to red pill accounts or hit not interested when they pop up. Trust your girlfriend and maybe talk to someone about your insecurities

With peace and love, there’s a reason he’s a grown man and dating someone who was a teenager at the start of the relationship, and it’s because he really should not get away with this behavior.

It sounds like he’s a mamas boy, and if he’s not willing to work on that, you’re signing up for this three way relationship. I would really not expect him to change at all

As someone with parents who SHOULD have gotten divorced, staying for the kids does not help the kids. Parents are the main example of a romantic relationship, so if theirs is toxic, kids learn that romance is toxic. It warped my views on love horribly and took many years of therapy to dissect the issue and heal. Your kids deserve to see a good model for loving relationships

I would guess that she’s interested, but slow and steady wins the race. Maybe try to grab lunch with her one day or bring in a special treat to share. Friendship is the best possible foundation for a relationship

The lady might just think you’re a good dude and care about these women and is trying to play matchmaker.

You don’t know that she’s accurate, and “admirer” could just indicate they said you’re handsome or something.

If you’re not interested, just ignore it. And maybe tell the lady who told you that you make it a point to avoid workplace relationships or something of the sort, just to get her to stop

I don’t think there’s any way for you to find and warm this other woman, so I think you might just have to be okay with the fact it might’ve happened, but it’s not like you did it knowingly!

I’d also like to point out that he might appear to have grown, but he’s likely just able to maintain that facade because you’re too far to prove otherwise.

You’re a trained mental health professional and have been extremely close to him for almost a decade. If you think he is a narcissist, you’re probably right!

And if you are a MH clinician, you know what narcissistic abuse looks like, and it seems you’ve gone through it. The constantly cycle of them messing up and promising to be better, and usually they seem better too! But it always goes back to the toxicity.

I know it’s hard but you have to recognize that you’re putting yourself back into that cycle for him. You went no contact for a reason. Try to be really objective and consider if one of your friends was in your position. What would you tell her?

You also mentioned a lot of red flags, like him being unemployed. You also seem to have described love bombing on his end! Y’all aren’t serious at all but he’s making promises and saying he wants you to be his wife and all that stuff. And your family really hates him so you’re hiding this from them. Those are trademarks of being a narcissistic abuse victim.

This is messy but you can totally remove yourself from it and I think you should