LAXnSASQUATCH

LAXnSASQUATCH t1_iy72pzz wrote

“I’m not a bad person (or am I better described as an “entity”), I used to be a bit of a monster but that was a LONG time ago before I had a handle on my powers. Turns out that when you have the ability to drain life force and devour souls coupled with a requirement to feed in order to survive things get a little crazy. I spent some time leading Aztec sacrifices as Tezcatlipoca, the Egyptians called me Apopis, I lived in Greece under the guise of Thanatos, and most recently lost my cool in Romania in the 1400’s. Ever since then I’ve done a really good job keeping everything in check; and ever since the 1500’s I’ve been working on passion project… pizza.

There are three things I like to do, cause low level mischief to keep hero’s employed (charity work), attempt to perfect the worlds greatest food (pizza), and also monologue in my own head (which I am currently doing fantastically). You see I tend to get introspective when I’m dealing with a mental crisis and at the moment I’m furious. Those so called “heroes” who constantly endanger the population with their wild antics (unless I craft some easy to crack scheme to occupy them) have crossed a line. I’m all for messing with your rivals but they did the unthinkable; they messed with my people and my pizza.

A few minutes ago I was prepping some pepperoni in the back room when I heard an explosion. I ran out front and to my horror discovered the heroes had “raided” my “secret lair” and in doing so they blew up the front of my store. Those asshats failed to account for the fact that I employ a super sweet teenager named Jenny and she just got carted away in an ambulance due to shrapnel! These animals wouldn’t even let me make sure she was okay before they put me in chains and threw me in the back of their van. It’s been ages since I’ve held a man’s soul in my hands or brought balance to the world through reckoning; but perhaps I’ve been too lax. These beings have no care for the plight of others and they’re too divided, I think this world needs to be reminded what a real monster looks like.”

The one called “Jim” also known as The Reaper, The Scourge of Gehenna, and Ruin One True Horseman of the Apocalypse opened his emerald eyes. In one fluid motion he cracked his neck and tore apart the heavy lead chains that had restricted his body.

The whites of his eyes rapidly darkened to a hue so deep they resembled a black hole and the green of his iris gained a subdued and yet somehow blinding brilliance as if the cosmos themselves rotated in his orbital sockets. The air warped around him and multicolored bands of radiant light shot out from his hands to impale the three costumed men in the van with him. In a fraction of a second (too fast for the human eye to witness) the bands warped to become wrapped in skeletal claws radiating an aura of insatiability. The 3 men gave out chocked gasps as their bodies rapidly decomposed becoming blacked motes of ash in a matter of seconds. An instant later the van itself careened into the car in front of it as a rusted husk and the buildings around became to crack and wither. Ruin calmed himself and the dome of decay surround him retracted to envelope his body.

“There is no need to harm the innocent when the guilty are so plentiful, after all souls all taste the same, and goodness deserves to survive (at least for now)… for it is not yet time to begin the work and something that is clean is easier to Ruin!”

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