Sounds like you have a very dependent personality type, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it’s not working out for you. To become more independent, you must define who you are. A person is defined by their convictions, and by how they live. Build your self esteem through introspection, defining your convictions (what you’re most passionate about), and then acting on your convictions. This brings self fulfillment and boosts self esteem.

It was months ago, and apparently there have been a lot of studies on this, but this one provides some good food for thought: https://positivepsychology.com/neuroscience-of-gratitude/

I was recently reading a scientific study that concluded that having gratitude not only makes us happier, it makes us smarter. I agree with that sentiment.

I understand the thought process, and if you can’t stop thinking about your oppressors then sure, do better to spite them, but maturity would be to find value and confidence where you are. To take your focus off those who oppress you, and be content without their so called ‘success’. For some, success is just having peace and freedom, for others, it’s chaos.