I've been stuck here, wherever that is,for literally months. I'm pretty sure I'm in a coma in a hospital somewhere because, occasionally, I'll hear faint beeping and phantom touches on my arms and hands. Obviously, I'm not astral projecting on purpose. One minute I'm driving to work, the next, I'm in this condo. At least the view is nice. It just sucks that I effing CAN'T LEAVE!

When I first arrived, no one was home. For weeks. It was nicely furnished and there was still laundry in the hamper and dishes in the sink. After trying what felt like a million escape attempts (which ended with me being thrown back into the livingroom) the guy who lived here returned with suitcases and a gnarly sunburn. Looked like he'd been on vacation. 'Cuz there's no way to get that burnt in winter here. It's been a depressing grey, cloudy sky since I've arrived 3 weeks ago.

For days after his arrival i tried half a dozen attempts to get him to notice me. And another 2 dozen attempts trying to exit his front door when he did. Nothing. I don't know where I am. Both spiritually or physically. And the guy who lived here is about as open spiritually as a rock, so he's paid me no mind.

A month of fiddling with my body? Non body? Astral form? Spirit? After he returned, I figured out that I could touch things. Nothing electronic, though. I just phased right through it. Which is a huge bummer, since that means I couldn't use the internet to figure out how to return to my body. Nor can I watch TV, listen to music, or read a book on my own. Dude is super into the tech and doesnt even own a physical book, just a tablet. Also, minimalist type of guy. Zero decor. Or just standard bachelorhood. I'm not sure. Never saw any friends or lovers visit.

Anyway. Once i figured out I could touch things not electronic, I tried getting condo dude's attention again. When he cooked i moved the spices. When he threw laundry in the hamper, I smacked it on the floor. One day i got frustrated and smacked his face. It felt so weird as it passed through him and it DID make him pause. But only long enough to turn up the thermostat. So I think it just made him cold. I didn't want to try that again.

For a while, I even tried writing messages on his steamed up bathroom mirror. But go figure, the guy had a smart electronic one that gave weather info and lights inside, so I couldn't touch that either. Until one day it broke and was just a regular mirror again. Right after his nightly shower I rushed into the bathroom and quickly wrote "HELP ME" on the fogged glass.

In hindsight, that wasn't a smart idea. He freaked out. And ran right through me. Which freaked us both out. Me cuz it felt so weird and gross and him because I imagine it was cold as heck. He squealed and ran to his room in only a towel. It must've frazzled him because suddenly he was walking around with a rosary after that. The situation just continued to escalate.

It was like being 2 magnets after he ran through me that day. Every where he went in the condo, even if i tried to sidestep him, he'd stumble and walked through me anyway. It was like living with a drunk noisy cat. Rinse and repeat. I tried a few more times to write on his mirror my name and my parent's phone number to call. But he would run out as soon as he saw the first letter. A week of this had turned him into a nervous wreck. He actually brought home a crucifix and carried that around with him. He even started sleeping with it. So i gave up on the mirror trick. Especially when he stopped showering for a few days. I may not be physical, but even I could smell the guy, and he was starting to stink!

After a particularly bad day of him running through me repeatedly he held up his tablet and turned to face me! I was stoked! Did he figure it out? Then he started reading aloud from the tablet and my excitement grew. Then turned to confusion. What was he saying? What language was that? Then i became enraged. He had shoved that damnable crucifix in my face! He was trying to exorcise me! ME! like I was some damned ghost or something ! Pissed off, I smacked my hand at his and the crucifix flew across the room and into the TV, breaking it. Oops... and there he went. Like a bat outta hell, he took off. And never returned.

Movers came in a few weeks later and took everything. Well... shit. I sat in front of the window for weeks, just looking outside. I couldn't leave. I couldn't do anything. Not even sleep. Just stared at the world below. Hearing those phantom beeps in the quiet.

Then, one day, a woman walked in. She'd just rented the place and was moving in. I liked her. Opposite the original owner, she was very much a cozy type of person. The condo was soon filled with warm fuzzy colors, knick knacks, plants, decor, and books. Lots and lots of books on hundreds of subjects. And almost no electronics! She even had a cat! He was such a cute, fluffy, black void.

Weeks passed and she worked on an old type writer. Looks like she worked from home as some type of author. I don't know how much time had passed before she caught me with a book of hers hovering over her sofa. I wasn't bored or lonely anymore and i didn't want to repeat what happened with the tech guy so I had been making do with her books she left lying around when she wasn't home or while she slept. But today I hadn't heard her come in.

I dropped the book quickly, but she still rushed outside the condo.... shit. Hours passed with me looking back out the condo window. Wondering how long it'd be until she too moved out. I absently patted her black cat. (Which funnily enough is named The Void. ) when she returned, drenched head to toe, with a package under her arm. Curious, I look watched her as she cleared her coffee table and set about doing something on top of it with the package.

Then my astral heart skipped a beat. Was that a... Ouiji board? It was! With a squeal of joy, i rushed over to the couch and watched her read the instructions. Finally! I could figure out how to communicate! Maybe a way home!

Then, she placed the planchette on the board and placed her fingers on it. she spoke aloud into the quiet.

"Are there any spirits with me in this room right now?" I hurridley pushed the planchette to 'Yes.' I mean, am I wrong? An astral projection is still a type of spirit... right?

She continued, "Okay good, 'cause rent is due, and you need to fork over your share."

After pause I blanch and pushed back the word "F.U.C.K."

A long time ago I half jokingly told my husband " In the God awful scenario where we divorce or you die before me, I'm waiting until after Jenny is grown and out of the house before dating again. I've read enough reddit horror stories about abusive step parents and the parents not noticing haha."

Gosh i wish that idiot had listened. I watched him move on, it took a while. Stoic should have been his middle name. He was in full "Robotic Robert" mode as i used to call it. It was his coping mechanism and i understood it. Ya know, when I was alive and could take on the other burdens of parenthood and general adulting until he could come to terms.

But I wasn't there anymore and for the first month or two I would silently offer comfort. But by the third month i was practically screaming at him to get his act together. If I still had vocal cords, they would've been shredded. Our daughter was starting to think daddy didn't love her anymore and she was falling apart. He needed to be there for her more. Not just cook and go to work.

God, I knew I should've encouraged him to learn how to actually cook more. This man has had nothing but frozen meals, take out and pb&j for 3 months. Until Jenny got incredibly sick from one of the meals. I think that shocked him back into trying to live, not just survive. And possibly into realizing he needed to do better for Jenny as she puked on him just like she did as a baby.

His attempts at cooking weren't the best but he tried. He was burning or overcooking a lot of foods out of fear of Jenny getting food poisoning again. But he managed. Still not a lot of veggies in the dinners but at least he was trying. He and Jenny began to bond over cooking together and failed cuisine experiences.

3 years later he met a woman at Jennys swim meet. Maybe it was the fact that as a ghost all I do anymore was people watch and I had learned to read people but I didnt like her. Sure, it could've been jealousy but he'd met other women before that I liked for him and Jenny. In my mind she was Umbridge. Down to the pink wardrobe and hairclip.

It didn't take long for Umbridge incarnate to start asserting her dominance over Jenny after moving in. Then came the blaming her for everything, and accusations until it devolved into outright physical and verbal abuse. As this continued and Robert seemed disinclined to stop it, my rage grew. Did you know if a ghost stays angry for long enough it can affect the mortal plane?

And Robert fell for it every God damn time. Believed his new "future" wife's tears over our baby girl's bruises. The first time Umbridge had laid hands on my Jenny I cracked the bathroom mirror with a loud bang. It felt good, but not as good as watching the fear in that witch's face. I started torturing Umbridge every chance i got. I HAUNTED that woman until her mask cracked and she tried attacking Jenny in front of Robert over nothing. Robert finally cottoned on and kicked that disgusting pink monstrosity to the curb.

Afterwards, I made sure pamphlets for family and individual therapy kept getting into the mail or on the kitchen table. While I loved my husband I didnt need him to fall back into Robot Robert mode right then and honestly? He's not exactly the greatest with words. He got the hint after i broke his car in front of the therapist's office.

A couple of years later, and after Jenny had moved out to start her own life and family, I may have orchestrated for Robert to meet and fall in love with someone. I liked 'em Spunky yet kind. They made a wonderful grandfather to our grandbabies and partner to my husband. Robert and Sam got to realize their dream of living on a homestead. I couldn't have been more content with how life turned out for all of them.

So it came as no surprise when my door showed up to take me to the afterlife. With only a single glance back i leapt through the doorway. It was time for me to rest. Finally.