Lucky_Lucy1189

Lucky_Lucy1189 t1_j8rznjp wrote

Reply to comment by eigen-dog in [OT] Poetry Corner: Fire! by OldBayJ

This was really good! I liked the descriptions.

I think it would be better to use something like "heartless heat" than "flightless heat" unless you specifically wanted to highlight darkness.

Also, I think you should capitalize only the beginnings of sentences, not lines.

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Lucky_Lucy1189 t1_j8ryr0g wrote

I traveled over seven seas

with the storm crashing against me,

and over seven continents

with the mountains obstructing my path.

​

I needed to see,

what was at the end?

​

I traveled flying with the birds

while the gale drove me away,

and finally reached my destination

after three lifetimes.

​

In the fourth lifetime,

I found a hellscape.

​

The raging fire charred the soil

and turned the air scorching.

and made the water boil.

Nothing was safe.

​

But when I looked closer,

I saw something.

​

The soil was fertilized.

The stream was now a hot spring.

The steam purified you.

The fire blazed on.

​

Fire can destroy,

but the elements are harmonious.

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