Make_the_music_stop t1_jdzaixu wrote

A doctor is delivering Little Johnny. His head comes out and Johnny says “Hey, you my dad?”. The doctor is shocked, says no and Johnny shoots back inside the mother. The doctors calls the midwife over to have a look. Again the baby’s head pops out, “Hey, you my dad!?” The midwife says no and the baby shoots back inside the mother.

The doctor and midwife decide they better get the father who was too squeamish to be in the delivery room.

So the father looks between his wife’s legs. The baby’s head pops out again. “Hey, you my dad?”

Father “Yes!”

Little Johnny, “Well come here” and a tiny arm squeezes out, and starts to punch the top of the father’s head nonstop while shouting “HOW…WOULD…YOU…LIKE…THIS…TO…HAPPEN…EVERY…NIGHT…OF…YOUR…LIFE”


Make_the_music_stop t1_jduhsvr wrote

A bloke walks into a bar and there are two Nuns playing darts. He offers to do the scoring.

The first Nun hits a treble twenty with her first and second darts and double twenty with her third. The man shouts out "One hundred and sixty."

The second Nun goes to throw and hits a treble twenty, a single twenty and the third dart hits the wire and rebounds straight into the Nuns eye, killing her instantly! The bloke shouts out "One Nun dead and eighty."


Make_the_music_stop t1_j9auyfv wrote

Thanks. So it really is America's game.

"Why is baseball called America's pastime? This is because baseball is the sport that generations have grown up playing. From the Industrial Revolution to the Cold War to our present day, baseball has survived countless economic endeavors and national hardships. To say it very simply, baseball has survived the test of time"


Make_the_music_stop t1_j6os4o5 wrote

Gennaro is in this country for only 6 months. He walks to work 20 blocks every day and passes a shoe store. Each day he stops and looks in the window to admire the Boccelli leather shoes. He wants those shoes so much... it's all he can think about.

After about 2 months he saves the price of the shoes, $300, and purchases them. Every Friday night the Italian community holds a dance in the church basement. Gennaro seizes this opportunity to wear his new Boccelli leather shoes for the first time.

He asks Sophia to dance and as they dance he asks her 'Sophia, do you wear red panties tonight?' Startled, Sophia replies, 'Yes, Gennaro, I do wear red panties tonight, but how do you know?' Gennaro answers, 'I see the reflection in my new $300 Boccelli leather shoes. How do you like them?'

Next he asks Rosa to dance, and after a few minutes he asks,’’Rosa, do you wear white panties tonight?' Rosa answers, 'Yes ,Gennaro, I do, but how do you know that?' He replies, 'I see the reflection in my new $300 Boccelli leather shoes. How do you like them?'

Now as the evening is almost over and the last song is being played, Gennaro asks Carmela to dance. Midway through the dance his face turns red. He states,' Carmela, be stilla my heart, please please tell me you wear no panties tonight, please, please, tella me this is true!'

Carmela smiles coyly and answers, 'Yes Gennaro, I wear no panties tonight.'

Gennaro gasps, 'Thanka God...I thought I hada CRACKA in my $300 Boccelli leather shoes!'


Make_the_music_stop t1_j6a49ds wrote

I was wakened at 3am by a crashing noise...I went down the stairs, cricket bat in hand, only to come face to face with an intruder stepping through my front door. He was armed with a crowbar but a swift crack of the willow round his head dropped him and he was spark out for enough time for me to grab a short length of rope. After hog-tying him in the hallway I went in the kitchen and made myself a cup of Coco. The bloke was conscious again when I returned. I stepped over him and began climbing the stairs. He said “Wait, aren’t you gonna call the police?”

I turned and replied “Why would I do that? Nobody knows you’re here” and continued back up to bed. Anyway enough of that nonsense, I’m having a big barbecue tomorrow afternoon, all are welcome


Make_the_music_stop t1_ivtc4ak wrote

A guy walks into a busy bar and sees two ribeye steaks hanging from the ceiling. He asks the bartender what’s up with the steaks. The bartender tells him it’s a challenge, if he can jump and touch the ribeyes he can drink free all night. However if he try’s and fails, he has to buy everyone in the bar a drink. The bartender then asks him if he’d like to try. The man replies “No the steaks are too high”