>I don't want this relationship anymore. Am I overacting?

Why would you think you're overreacting... your judgment is sound:

• She has been rude, cold and distant with me
• Giving me the silent treatment for 3 months
• she didn't celebrate my birthday
• didn't celebrate me getting my bachelor degree and getting a good job.
• Sometimes she gets mad over little things because she got borderline personality disorder

Taking the 'cheating theory' out of the equation, you're left with the above.

That is enough of a reason to end a relationship.

She already stuck you with the knife... the cheating theory is just her twisting it.

Follow through with this:

>I don't want this relationship anymore.

This relationship doesn't sound like its worth being in. Break up, take some time for yourself, and find someone who can offer a healthy relationship and make you feel loved.

>On the dating app it stated that he is a banker, finance professional.

I haven't been on dating apps in ages.

Does this app have a pre-determined set of occupations you can pick from? If that is true, a finance professional could be the closest selection.

Those are virtually the same title in my opinion. Sounds like he is a financial professional of development projects.

And if he was a banker at a point, that seems like transferable job skills. Finance professionals in banking can be the financial advisor in developing projects.

Have you ever inquired to him as to why his bio says that?

This:

>It makes me feel like I’m alone.

Is a result of:

>he last few months has been treating me like trash. He never touches me, initiates sex not even kiss me. I have to like beg for his attention or intercourse.

Not because of anything wrong with you.

He is not giving you his end of the relationship.

When someone checks out, its time for you to check out.

When I read something like this, I have two trail of thoughts.

Benefit of the doubt: Something triggered him to want to be a better partner for you.

Other side: Trying to make up for something he did...

Alright, in that case.. if you're stuck there. You need to start saving up as much as possible.

That way, when the lease is up, there is nothing holding you back from moving. And if you're not where you want to be financially near that day, consider moving back home to get back on your feet.

Do not allow yourself to sign up for another lease because you're dependent on someone.

Would it be possible to move back home instead of having to wait for July?

You know the cycle. You know what to expect when you attempt to break it off. You know his tactics.

You need the courage and strength to not buy it.

Have someone there who can help you move, get it all done in one day.

Clean break:

>Sorry, this isn't working for us, we're a dysfunctional couple. It will be better for us to go our seperate ways.
>
>I no longer want to be in this relationship.

Then you block all paths of contact.

I don't know, sounds like you're doing a phenomenal job at it. If what you're doing goes unappreciated, he is expecting too much.

His is work schedule a permanent thing, or is this a one off situation. That can be concerning for mental health long term.

You're doing great...

Exactly... barriers need to be broken down. You cannot have a permanent wall in a relationship. There needs progress in some form.

And that is a fair conclusion. You being the one moving there, would be like you're settling for less and the bigger contributor to put things in motion.

Might have been worth to just test his POV on moving to you. If he was completely against it, then I would assume things are very one-sided.

Your relationship ended. Stop treating her like you're in a relationship still.

You cannot wait for someone to come back, you will never know if that is true or not.

Its time to thrown in the towel and start moving on yourself. Stop paying attention to her. Stop waiting around for her.

Go about your business so you can finally move on from her because she moved on from you.

>We met up in person and spoke and it seemed optimistic. He said he's worried this would be a 'band aid' for a bigger issue.

And

>He said he was worried we were doing this at a bad point in our relationship, I said that I thought we were in a bad point in the relationship because of this.

I agree with your statement.

You're burnt out and feeling like there is no light at the end of the tunnel for the relationship.

You need to feel like the relationship is going somewhere and is thriving. Having a relationship feel stuck... is challenging to navigate.

Are you throwing away a good thing? Possibly. But you're not getting what you need out of your relationship and that is critical. It's dying on your end.

I understand that LDRs can be unavoidable, sometimes you transition into one. But I will never understand how people willingly sign up for one as a starting condition. They are so hard to balance and find fulfillment in.

I completely agree with your position though. Something needs to change. You need to have each-other in your everyday life. And if 4 years doesn't seem like its been enough time to move in... when will that bridge be crossed?

Really... at minimum, the two of you should be living in the same city by now, regardless if its a shared living space or not.

NGL, that sounds like a delusional 21 year old move to make.

>Still dealing with baby daddy drama from past relationship. And our entire relationship you had another girlfriend.
>
>Sign me up!

Sounds unreally desperate.

And we're sure the baby is not his, right?

I am sorry that you had to find out this way and go through this. But you dodged a massive long term bullet.

The fact your ex is so keen on keeping their relationship going, shows how low of a person he is. I bet he loves the fact that he's got a 21 year old wrapped around his finger. He manipulated you the entire time, and is doing the same to her now. He is not a good person.

That's their problem, and no longer yours.

>What makes it even worse is she told me that they hooked up after a week or so of texting, and it took maybe a month and a few dates before me and her ever slept together

Is it a competition though?

Are you disappointed because it took you longer to sleep with her than someone else? Maybe she regrets her action and wanted to take things slow so she doesn't get burnt again.

Look man. This is a you problem and nothing more.

There will always be someone before you and someone after you. If you allow those thoughts to poison you and jeopardize relationships, you will never be able to maintain a healthy one. You will always be the downfall.

I never understood this notion of needing to know your partners past. I am 30 years old, and in all of the relationships I've had, we never discussed sexual history. Its better not to know.

So, if its not this relationship, for the next one, leave that conversation off the table.

You need to focus on the present and why she is with you and not other people. If you're in her life, there is a valuable reason for it.

You're in a toxic relationship and its no wonder why you always feel like you're in the wrong. Your BF is emotionally abusive and makes you feel worthless.

This would be a good time to break things off and block all contact.

Please take our advice and officially end the relationship.

I think that's the real challenging part about LDRS.

The entire fulfillment and survivability weight is placed on couples ability to converse. You two don't have access to other means to bond over, dates, cuddling, movies, etc.

Couples can, and often do run out of things to talk about. But doing activities together is a way to combat this. There is always a new experience to be had and something new to chat about. Unfortunately, you don't get the same luxury in LDR.

Sounds like there is some unhappiness beginning to develop... I would ask these of you:

• Do you two have realistic plans of moving to each-other?
• How often do you get to see each-other in person?

>He has had many traumatic experiences drinking and expresses that he feels uncomfortable and anxious when I go out with my friends to drink

So, his past baggage is impacting his new relationship. Nice.

If he doesn't like it, then that is his problem. Don't let someone put a leash on you and isolate you from your friends.

If you want to go have fun with your friends, this is the age to do it. And if he doesn't trust or like that... then find yourself a boyfriend who doesn't try to control your behavior.

What does he expect you to do? Sit at home EVERY weekend and be on facetime? That sounds like a pathetic depressing relationship.

He's got no right to be mad or upset with you.

Think about in a years time... with the track your relationship is on, it will probably go south.

Would you look back and resent the fact that you missed spending time with your friends for an ex who controlled you?

I feel most awful for Rose in this situation. She is going to be the biggest victim out of all of this.

At least you and Jay have to awareness about everything... Rose, is walking her way into a miserable marriage and has no idea whats in store

I am happy for this.

>He's tried his tactics with Jay in the past as well and we're both sick of it (ex: tried to get with Jay's ex INSIDE Jay's vehicle, ditched him countless times on outings, etc.).

I don't know what the play is here.

Ideally, I would like to see Jay reject the wedding entirely. Not sure why he still is keeping him around as a friend. And the cherry on top would be confessing to Rose, why he is cutting Logan out and refusing best man. Its a wedding her cannot support.

Crazy this type of drama is surrounding you at 20.

Okay. My play is this.... after you execute u/KJM31422 comment

Jay, this is what Logan has done to me in the past. I cannot accept how you are in support of keeping him around. This shows me where your priorities are. I think we may need to consider if this relationship is a good fit.

Next... Rose, hunny. This might be one of the last few times we speak to each-other. But I cannot go silent. This is what I think of your relationship. You're going to be leading yourself into a trap. Logan is abusive to you. I am sorry but I cannot stand around and watch you dive into this marriage. It'll be hard to watch. I broke up with Jay because he is keeping Logan as a toxic friend. Before I go on my way, I just wanted to let you know my final thoughts.

And leave. Never look back.

No worries man.

If you're realistically considering divorce. Talk to a divorce lawyer.

You made 250k/yr before, and you're unemployed now due to laid off.

He/she might even recommend to take a tame job and drop the idea of a high level role for while. Get through the divorce process.

Might give less of an argument on her side.

Anyways, if you're going the divorce route, every decision should be made by lawyers advice.

Otherwise making it work.... 100% she needs to step up and make you feel like you're not an opening to a lifestyle she wants. She needs to be humbled and work to contribute. Make you feel like an actual person and not a piggy bank.

>she loves the fact that I’m very mysterious and that she can never really tell what I’m truly thinking

Probably because you're one of the few guy's who isn't foaming at the mouth for her.

>She told me she wants guys who are obsessed with her.

Hell nah brotha!!

You dip, dive, duck, and dodge on those girls.

The moment you stop the chase, and someone else starts, she's gone. She wants the thrill of being caught. Girls like that are trouble.

You want the type of girl who fights to pay the bill on a date. That's the one you bring home to the family.

Dam. I would be considering it myself tbh.

I don't care about any of the other details besides this:

>She has mentioned several times that she would rather not work, has threatened to quit her job without having one to go to, and rather force me to make all the money while she doesn't work.

You want a partnership, equal marriage. You're not looking to give handouts and freerides. And the way she is coming off, sounds like she's looking for a freeride.

Its like, entitlement instead of appreciation.

And I understand how you feel insulted by the co-workers comment. Like woe to me, my partner expects me to work, we're struggling so much, he doesn't pamper me anymore, my life is so hard.

If you're seriously considering a divorce. Please talk to a lawyer to gain a better perspective and start preparing for it, setting yourself up to win on some BS:

>Under the federal Divorce Act, spousal support is most likely to be paid when there is a big difference between the spouses' incomes after they separate. However, this is not always the case. A court may decide that the spouse with the lower income is not entitled to support

And you want to set yourself up to win on that point. Give yourself the biggest head start you can, once you have everything in order (do everything the lawyer says), serve the papers.

Well, I kind of disagree with this statement then.

>I can't ask him to change.

I think you can ask your partner to change.

When my and my GF started out, we agreed that we wanted to be the best partner possible to each-other. And that includes adapting, improving, ironing out negative characteristics, etc... all for the sake of benefiting the other.

And if we found something we couldn't do, we make an attempt at a compromise.

And for your case, a number of things I think you can request a change on.

For example:

• I always have to drag him out of bed

You doing that... is a chore to you. That is a dynamic in your relationship you don't like. A reasonable thing to address. You're not his alarm clock or Mother. He can get up out of bed on his own.

And if you found that your partner has no desire to improve the relationship, or make a more fulfilling experience to you.. then that is a good time question the relationship.

Don't be afraid of addressing what you're unhappy about. A neglect to communicate, would be contributing to the failure.

>there a definitely things I would like to change about him but no one is perfect right?

Can you expand on what things you would like to change about him?

Hey man, I think your feelings are completely fair to have in this situation.

When I read this, I can understand how someone can arrive at that conclusion; Trying to build up an impression again. Finding things to connect over:

• he wanted to know about her favorite places there and some recommendations.
• talking about how he falls in love with her favorite place there and how he can't wait to get back home so they can talk about it when they meet

So, its okay to feel uneasy about a lot this. Same thoughts would run through my head.

The issue thing is... we don't know if that is the reality.

That is just a theory.

And until we know what's factual, you're going to need more information.

You can be open with your partner and express how you feel. She could provide you with reassurance, and there is a chance she might even see your side too.

I know for myself, I have no desire to maintain an ex friendship because I know the potential metal battle that comes with it. I don't want to force my GF to deal with that mental load. Your GF might see it that way too, who knows.

But anyways... until you have more evidence. You have to stand by this:

>I'm at peace with that fact because I trust my GF and I know she wouldn't cheat on me.

Trust your GF until she gives you a reason not to.

And if you discover that he's making romantic advances, and she doesn't put space as a result... you have your first reason to explore your suspicions.

This might be something you won't be able to let go, as hard as you try.

These type of things tend to have a negative lasting impression on your relationship.

When you get these type of jolts to your heart, a genuine deep hurt by your partner. It creates a hole. And that hole, is dam hard to patch up.

I would have a major issue with this myself. Exponentially considering she is still an active friend.

Personally, I would consider that break up worthy.

Its the dishonesty for me. The finances in a relationship is something that needs transparency.

He told you he made x amount, saved x amount, from that you went:

>Together we can afford xyz, we can get by without struggle, and progress financially into a future.
>
>It would be safe for me invest into this romantic relationship

He led you into a false sense of security to win you over. Once the truth revealed, your original perception was shattered.

Now its... I make significantly less, have no savings, no desire to progress career... And because you emotionally invested in me, we're getting married. Support me. I locked you in.

When you think about it... It comes off like a trap.

I wouldn't be able to trust my partner for it. That would be a nail in the coffin for me.