Friend- please stop drinking! I'm not saying you can never drink again but you clearly have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol right now and it would be best to spend some time apart until you can develop some healthy boundaries around drinking.

Get some sun, every single day. If you're somewhere it's very cold right now, even a few minutes of being outside, no glasses on, in the morning with help you. Take a few deep breaths of fresh air, think about your goals for the day. They could be anything- today I want to do 2 assignments. Today I want to cook a meal at home. Today I want to fill out one job application. Today I want to have a conversation with someone. Today I want to clean the bathroom.

Speaking of, look at your environment. Is your living space trashed? Are you making your bed in the morning? Letting dishes pile up for days? When's the last time you vacuumed? Your environment is so important. Keep things clean and tidy, start organizing your space (plenty of inspiration for this out there if you don't know where to start,) make it look like the version of yourself you want to be lives there.

Beyond your environment, how are you caring for yourself? Are you getting dressed every day- in something other than sweatpants? Are you eating nourishing foods? Do you have any fulfilling hobbies and healthy relationships?

And finally, talk to someone. Whether that be a friend or family member who you respect and can trust, or someone at Health Services at your school, let someone know how you've been feeling. Life is not meant to be lived alone, the highs and lows are meant to be experienced in community. If you don't yet have one, find one. I know that's challenging but I promise it's possible.

You don't have to do everything all at once. But take a step. Then another. And another and another, keep going and don't look back. Do things that are good for you even and especially when you least feel like doing them. And before you know it'll you'll be in a totally new place.

Best of luck to you, OP.

I can't read fiction much because it becomes too all-consuming for me. I get too into it and don't want to do anything else with my time until I finish it. I obviously can't do that because I have a life and all of its responsibilities. Plus, there's so many fascinating topics I want to explore through reading and I have a serious secondhand book habit. So I limit fiction and usually only read it when I need a little fiction snack (as I like to call it) after too many nonfictions in a row and I lose steam. If you want to get back into it, just pick up an old favorite you haven't read in a while and give it a reread. But I think it's also okay to go through seasons and read what's calling you right now.

I had a bad home life when I was younger and was very into books about other adolescent girls living a more dramatic version of my life, involving their messed up upbringings and then the poor choices they made as a result. But then I like you fell in love, cleaned up my life, and my reading choices changed drastically, to where I read much more about how to live a good life than romanticize ruining it.