I made comments clarifying everything in literally my first comment, and in something like a dozen or so comments after that, directly responding to nearly everybody to clarify -- lengthy responses, too.

if somebody wants to take me as uncharitably as possible, and continue to do so even after I engage with them to clear up whatever misconception they may have had about my words or intention, (like thinking I called a guy a lying masturbator as some kind of bizarre puritanical insult and not merely a joke about a guy who is admittedly hunting and pecking his message out with his left hand), and after I say I could have written it more clearly to have avoided the confusion etc., these are not people acting in good faith.

I explained until I was blue in the face, and not a single person said "oh I see", not because the explanation didn't make sense, but because a downvoting mob of imbeciles before them found it more entertaining to believe that I was making any number of nonsensical statements than to understand those explanations.

So fine, I'm a jackass, but I'm in really good company. Also, I would be willing to bet you right now that I could wait a couple days, rephrase the initial shower thought, and people would agree with it. "Ambidextrous is the only four-syllable label given to people for not lacking function of an appendage", or something similar. Which is exactly what I was saying, as you damn well know.
Call me a liar or choose to think otherwise, but if the roles were reversed, I would be defending you from intentionally obtuse attacks even if it meant getting a couple downvotes from the clowns in attendance.

This comment is stupid. Words have meanings. Sentences also have interpretations, and this sentence in particular I explained to you was to be interpreted non-literally.
Look, are you actually suggesting that I am on the one hand saying ambidextrous people do not literally exist in this world while simultaneously calling myself ambidextrous? And that you have actually come in here and remedied the situation by pointing out my error? Is that what you think your role was here? Hey, thanks, man!

That you could have spent as much time as you have here without ever moving beyond this, even after I walked you through it, is really something. You didn't for a second consider the fact that I may have had some point I was making beyond the apparent contradiction that has occupied so much of your attention? Not possible?

Yes. What does that have to do with anything?

Edgelord, holy shit. Like this whole thing was to offend somebody and not just point out the goofy nature of the fact that so many people won't use one of their hands. This whole thing started because a guy was in a knife sub trying to buy a whole nother $80 knife so he could flick it open with his middle finger, when there was already the tab to flick it open with if he would just use his other hand, which was too big of an imposition for him, and was worth at least 80 bucks to him to not have to use his left hand.

If he had simply use his left hand, like a human probably ought to, there's a four syllable label for that. But if he goes and spends another $80 because he can't use his left hand ... look if you showed up to a job and you're a guy with one arm, you're disabled .
All these other people are basically one armed men who just happened to have the second arm still swinging around never doing anything useful. If they're not disabled, what are they? I'm open to different terminology, but there is some denial there if they're half broken and don't acknowledge it.

Hang on, did this make sense? I've typed this something like a dozen times and not one person has indicated that they have understood me to any degree whatsoever.

Wrong room, grandma

Not even close. Ambidextrous people are just people who can use both of the hands they were born with. If you can't use both your hands, that's a problem. Not with the ambidextrous people, with the other people.

If you say you are typing a comment with your left hand because your right hand is busy "slapping", I might make a joke accusing you of being a guy who is actually masturbating and lying about it. Shoot me.

I am not literally denying the existence of ambidextrous people, because I am ambidextrous. But we don't have to call ourselves ambidextrous, because all it means is that our fucking hands work. I don't have a four-syllable label for you because you walk with both legs. That's what I meant by no ambidextrous people, but I've already explained this.

Look, this is exactly what this sub is for. The reason it's even still up is because it aligns with the rules of the sub. That's about all the vindication I need, although it would be nice if even one person was able to understand the comment itself after a reading one of my dozen or so clarifications that went into the ether.

And alternating hands, too.

This place is full of fucking morons. Apparently it's not impossible to decipher the meaning of the thought, because the subs moderators were able to do it successfully. If they'd been as confused as some of these other people, it would have been removed for being a nonsensical statement. I'm obviously not calling the ambidextrous people disabled, although it's become exceptionally clear that I should have written it differently. Still, what the fuck is so hard to grasp about this?

There's a thousand different people with a thousand different nitpicks, and the whole shitload of people who think I'm calling ambidextrous people disabled or saying they don't literally exist. I feel like these people are going to experience their own shower thought and they're going to suddenly realize what the fuck I actually intended to say, not that I haven't written it out a half dozen times at this point.

But I don't understand is why somebody would be lurking in a place specifically designed for mindless thoughts (they actually specify that it's the sort of thought you would get while staring blankly at a wall) and then complain about the quality of the submissions. And I'm supposed to be the idiot, because I think people should be able to use both of their hands.

I'm honestly not sure if people don't get the joke or what. I mean, it's not hilarious but it wasn't mean spirited. The guy is typing with his left hand, which is what guys who are jerking off do. How did a hundred people think it was some sex negative anti masturbation thing? This whole thread is insanity.

You're such a tool. It wasn't a literal statement, as I've already explained to you. Also, the rules for the posts on this sub literally state that is for things thought of while staring blankly at a wall, and you're in here critiquing me for not having sound formal logical argument, and for having not read a study on hand dominance. Get the fuck outta here. It makes perfect sense. All the people who can't use one hand are disabled, but they instead call the people who have two functional hands "ambidextrous". Then you wanted to nitpick about preference vs aversion and all sorts of other nonsense.

The fact that this post is even up and wasn't removed is testament to the fact that it was sufficiently stupid in the correct way for the sub, which you keep confusing for the American Medical Association sub.

Right. You don't think not being able to use one hand to any reasonable degree would qualify as being partially disabled? As in, "ambidextrous" just means you're normal and both hands function, while it should be everybody else who gets stuck with a label for having a hand they can barely use.

Perhaps it was poorly written. As I attempted to clarify, it is the non-ambidextrous people who are essentially disabled. The ambidextrous label is completely unnecessary, because you are supposed to be able to use both of your hands.

Ooh snap

Lol, it's "shower thoughts". I was supposed to read a study on hand dominance first? This is quite literally the exact right place to post half-baked garbage online. I'm actually surprised that this seems to have eluded you.

"The only time it was an aversion", he says about people who lived in the past and made no record whatsoever of whether it was an aversion or not. Maybe they also had an aversion to know it alls showing up at the pub and correcting everybody's language.

You guys win. I'm retracting my submission to the American medical association, with much sadness

Yeah, well, I didn't think I'd have to defend it in the completely literal sense, but I wasn't expecting to encounter the Lord of Ambidexterity here, either. It was nice meeting you, though.

(Also, it was you who said I probably wasn't ambidextrous so now who's the hypocrite?)

Tomato tomato.

Says who? These are just regular people, they don't have a label under which to define their viewpoints on the usage of their lesser used hand. How the hell are you going to say it's not an aversion without asking the person if it's an aversion or a preference, Doctor?

Jesus Christ, you'd think I posted this in 'r/momentsofpurebrilliance

Well if you have a psychological aversion to using 50% of your appendages, why the shit am I the one with the four syllable label?

I noticed you used the word "they", too. Haha. You don't wanna be in the club, but youre in it

Oh come on. Who would downvote that

Edit: can even one person explain why they disliked that comment?

You sound like one of those ambidextrous guys Also a chronically lying masturbator.

Edit: and/or And I don't approve of slapping anybody, least of all bitches. I call them ladies, but I get it. You're frustrated. But we don't have to take it out on women's faces, do we? I for one stand against beating women, an unpopular opinion at the moment. I'm no hero, just a regular guy deserving of some sort of plaque, maybe.

I'm ambidextrous, nitwit. the point is that the label is unnecessary, because if you can't use one of your fucking hands there's something wrong with you