I'm seeing a lot of judgementalism going on in this thread from people who don't know you and don't know your circumstances.

Everyone has had some trauma in their life; a few lucky ones have had only minor incidents that barely count, and too many unlucky ones have had serious trauma. Most people fit in between.

Trauma affects your brain, physically — yes, genuinely, e.g. the amygdala might be enlarged. It also affects how you make decisions in life, and your internal thoughts and beliefs about yourself.

Unresolved trauma, or keeping unhelpful patterns of thought and behaviour as a result of your upbringing, leads to unhappiness and, in bad cases, to dysfunctional behaviour that causes distress to both yourself and to others.

The purpose of therapy is to undo the damage (although you can't undo physical changes to your brain, your brain is "plastic" and you can overcome it) to allow you to lead a better life — happier, more fulfilled, and a part of society.

If you've seen 14 therapists and none of them has helped, either you are seeing the wrong type of therapists (there are different types who use different methods), or you have a deep internal fear of changing your thoughts and behaviour. Or maybe both.

I wish you the best of luck in finding someone suitable for you.

Prompt:

>Write a Zen koan about meerkats holding their cards close to their vest, in words that child could understand, based on characters from Winnie the Pooh, concluding with a rhyming couplet that summarizes the key lesson of the koan.

Result:

>Once upon a time, in the Hundred Acre Wood, Pooh and Piglet were playing cards with some meerkats. The meerkats were very good at keeping their cards close to their vest, so Pooh and Piglet couldn't figure out what they had.
>
>The meerkats told them, "Just like how we keep our cards safe, you should always keep your thoughts and feelings safe too. Don't show them to just anyone, choose who you share them with wisely."
>
>Pooh and Piglet thought about this and realized the meerkats were right. They learned that it's important to be careful about what you share and with whom you share it.
>
>"Wise meerkats play their cards close,
And teach us all to guard our thoughts."

I shall do this, once it becomes available again.

AI, despite its name, has zero understanding. It uses a statistical analysis of billions of pieces of information.

This one