Pfeffer_Prinz OP t1_jedippk wrote

yeah people don't know about the Creole community in New Orleans — historically they were a separate class from Black and white, sort of in between the two on the social ladder. White people didn't treat them as equals, since they were definitely POC, but they were treated wayyy better than Black folks.

Their ancestry wasn't just African, it was also French & Spanish (and Indigenous). This gave them lighter skin & hair, but also access to generational wealth (and a sense of privilege). So they owned lots of property & businesses, held political offices, had functioning schools, hobknobbed with white society, and filled large neighborhoods. They were a solid middle/upper class for a long time.

So they saw themselves as distinct from the Black community, who were largely descended from enslaved Africans (so they were dark-skinned & poor). Creoles, like any people with privilege, generally shat on the class(es) below them. As James Baldwin said, that's "the price of the ticket" if you want to join the upper classes.

(ofc there are exceptions. Many Creoles treated people below them with respect & solidarity)

New Orleans Creoles still exist, of course, but not as a separate class like they used to be. They've been absorbed by both the larger Black and the larger white communities, but that wasn't so long ago — many people alive today were born into a distinct Creole class. Many of the prominent Creole families are still around today, and hold lots of sway.

(source: lived in New Orleans half my life)

EDIT: I'm not talking about the general Creole people, but the specific Creoles of color in New Orleans. Outside the city, the word "Creole" means something different


Pfeffer_Prinz OP t1_jecyj3o wrote

I don't know who that is! I was actually reading an article about how in the 1800s, tuberculosis symptoms were attractive in high society (making you frighteningly skinny, with skin so pale it was translucent, and rosy cheeks from constant fever). Even after they got over the epidemic, the beauty standards stuck around... until Chanel's suntan


Pfeffer_Prinz OP t1_j63sk6h wrote

Interestingly enough, I had the exact opposite experience. I have almost no startle response — it used to be a game with my friends to try and jump out and scare me. This convinced me I didn't have PTSD!

Interestingly, startle response is high in PTSDers, but not C-PTSDers. I think it's not even on the list of qualifying symptoms —but it's not exclusive! people with C-PTSD can still definitely have the startle response. We're just talking statistical significance.

It has something to do with C-PTSD causing numbness due to prolonged overwhelming situations. Instead of always being on guard (that the bad event is suddenly going to happen again — i.e. PTSD), you're just completely shut down, because the "bad events" are constant & inevitable. It's called learned helplessness and even reading the studies are very very sad. (CW: dogs were harmed)

I'm glad you finally figured out what's been plaguing you! I hope your path to recovery is easy & full of rest & love <3


Pfeffer_Prinz OP t1_j61az2b wrote

ugh, I'm so sorry your professor said that. Even if that's a professional opinion, there's no need to minimize someone publicly like that. So gross and harmful.

But also, they're wrong. There's a whole section on the CPTSD wikipedia page about how it's often confused for BPD, but is distinct enough in such fundamental ways that it's def its own thing.

I'm sorry your mental health professionals haven't been helpful. There's definitely a lot of shit doctors out there that do more damage than good. I hope you're able to find the good ones though, because no professional has been more impactful on my life than my therapist.

However you get there, I really hope your future includes relief, comfort, and rest. You deserve it all. Much love, friend. <3


Pfeffer_Prinz OP t1_j61a7np wrote

> It ended up bringing me back to places I thought I was over. Ended up in a lot of crying fits.

That's really common, and pretty necessary in the process of healing. The only way past it is through it.

It's very very very hard.... but often better than alternative.

I hope you get some rest in between the tough parts! That's necessary too. Much love and much luck on your journey. <3


Pfeffer_Prinz OP t1_j5zuwwi wrote

I hear that. But I can say that, without a doubt, you 100% deserve care, love, help, and ease from your pain. Every single person on the planet deserves it (even the "bad" ones).

I hope one day soon that the weight pressing down on you lifts juuuust enough for you to ask for help. But it really is the hardest part, so of course I don't blame you at all for delaying it. That's completely natural and doesn't make you deserve it any less.

In the meantime, I recommend checking out r/CPTSD. even just reading the posts on there has sometimes brought me immense relief. I hope it speaks to you to.

Much love to you, friend <3


Pfeffer_Prinz OP t1_j5zucej wrote

I really recommend therapy, there's nothing wrong with it and almost everyone I know says it was the best investment they ever made in their life.

But if you really want something shorter term, EMDR is shown to be very useful, and it doesn't need to be coupled with talk therapy (though it works great if it is).

But make sure your EMDR practitioner is familiar with Complex PTSD. The treatment was developed for regular PTSD, and so it helps a lot with singular traumatic incidents, but prolonged trauma requires a slightly different approach (basically just slower and easier).


Pfeffer_Prinz OP t1_j5ztsas wrote


I hope you're able to find a steady course in regaining your sense of self. It's a really difficult road (and definitely not linear! Don't worry if you "slip back" into old habits — it's not a failure on your part, it's completely normal).

If you haven't already I recommend working with trained mental health professionals. I was able to do a lot on my own with personal research, but nowhere near what I accomplished with professionals, in a fraction of the time, with wayyy less collateral damage.

It's like if you tried to build a shed with no power tools, starting with just a tree in the ground... and you have no hands. You could probably do it eventually, but it would take forever, be way harder, and you could really hurt yourself in the process. Better to just get a professional.


Pfeffer_Prinz OP t1_j5zsxbu wrote

oh my god, this brings tears to my eyes. If my post helps even one person on the path to recovery & relief... then it's probably the best thing I'll do all year.

I am so sorry your girlfriend went through that awful awful stuff and that she's still suffering from it. I hope she finds relief soon. <3


Pfeffer_Prinz OP t1_j5zn69r wrote

Great question.

It means you feel that your feelings, your actions, and your entire existence are all less important than others, and that you don't deserve love, care, praise, or an easy time. It often leads to dissociation, and can even get so bad that you think you don't exist (or shouldn't).

And it's not just a matter of opinion — many people (like myself) have a hard time even recognizing that they're feeling anything, much less identifying what that feeling is, much less communicating that feeling to others, much less taking those feelings seriously.


Pfeffer_Prinz OP t1_j5zme5r wrote

That's definitely the hardest hurdle to get over, by far.

I can say with 100% certainty that you deserve care, comfort, and calm in this world. I know I'm a literally anonymous stranger on the internet, but I know it's true because it's true for everyone on the planet (yes, even people who do bad things)... but especially for those that are in pain.

I hope one day you get the help you need. In the meantime, communities like r/CPTSD are great. A genuinely wonderful community of people going through what you're going through. Even just reading some random posts has helped relieve the pain for me sometimes.

Much love to you, friend.


Pfeffer_Prinz OP t1_j5zitid wrote

Same here, friend. I'm sorry you went through that. I've been in therapy for most of my 30s and still struggle to recognize what I'm feeling, much less describe it, much less take it seriously.

But I'm doing SO much better than I was before. I hope you're able to find the care you need. It's never too late to start. I've never made a better investment in my entire life — it changes everything else. I believe it'll be great for you too.

Much love, friend.


Pfeffer_Prinz OP t1_j5zid0e wrote

I'm so sorry. That sounds so so awful. You deserve all the comfort and space in the world. I hope you're able to find calm soon. I recommend reaching out for professional help if you haven't. They really can help anyone— no case is too small, too big, or too far gone.

Many people have experienced similar things as you, and been plagued with the same emotional scars for many long years... and were still able to reduce the pain after getting the care they needed. I believe you can too.

Much love to you, friend.


Pfeffer_Prinz OP t1_j5zhn83 wrote

> I've wondered if I have ptsd, but also feel like my experiences that may have caused it are so minor in comparison to most, that I feel silly thinking I have some form of ptsd.

This is really really REALLY common for people with PTSD, especially C-PTSD. That is precisely the "diminished sense of self" that's at the core of the disorder.

What you described is horrific and sad. I'm so sorry you went through all that pain. It would make complete sense if you remained traumatized from any of that.

But also remember: a diagnosis is never based on what happened to you, but rather how you came out of it. Different people are affected by things in different ways. A poor kid with nothing may walk away from a 10-car pileup with no emotional scars, while a rich kid with all the comforts in the world can get PTSD from a fender bender.

Diagnosticians don't ask care what happened, but rather how you've been affected.

I hope you can find some clarity & healing soon!


Pfeffer_Prinz OP t1_j5zd7ft wrote

I don't have cognition issues but I definitely have C-PTSD. Like most disorders, you don't need all the symptoms to qualify for a diagnosis. In fact, it's really rare for someone to have 100%

I'm sorry you're suffering, friend. I hope you have the ability to get the help you need. It's hard work, but nothing is more worth it, imo.


Pfeffer_Prinz OP t1_j5zax97 wrote

Here's a longer list of what can cause C-PTSD:

> chronic sexual, psychological, and physical abuse or neglect, or chronic intimate partner violence, bullying, victims of kidnapping and hostage situations, indentured servants, victims of slavery and human trafficking, sweatshop workers, prisoners of war, concentration camp survivors, and prisoners kept in solitary confinement for a long period of time, or defectors from authoritarian religions [including cults]

And here are many of the symptoms that distinguish C-PTSD from PTSD. These were written about child victims (but the issues can last through adulthood):

  • Attachment – "problems with relationship boundaries, lack of trust, social isolation, difficulty perceiving and responding to others' emotional states"
  • Biology – "sensory-motor developmental dysfunction, sensory-integration difficulties, somatization, and increased medical problems"
  • Affect or emotional regulation – "poor affect regulation, difficulty identifying and expressing emotions and internal states, and difficulties communicating needs, wants, and wishes"
  • Dissociation – "amnesia, depersonalization, discrete states of consciousness with discrete memories, affect, and functioning, and impaired memory for state-based events"
  • Behavioral control – "problems with impulse control, aggression, pathological self-soothing, and sleep problems"
  • Cognition – "difficulty regulating attention; problems with a variety of 'executive functions' such as planning, judgement, initiation, use of materials, and self-monitoring; difficulty processing new information; difficulty focusing and completing tasks; poor object constancy; problems with 'cause-effect' thinking; and language developmental problems such as a gap between receptive and expressive communication abilities."
  • Self-concept – "fragmented and disconnected autobiographical narrative, disturbed body image, low self-esteem, excessive shame, and negative internal working models of self".

If you think you might have C-PTSD, I hope you can find a licensed mental health professional who can help you diagnose & recover. Treatments are definitely possible (I've done a few, and they help so so much — I've never felt so much relief!). You can also check out r/CPTSD for your community of survivors.


Pfeffer_Prinz OP t1_j5mqrwl wrote

interesting... I guess that's more of "advertising" than an application... like having a website of your work, so people could check it out and then reach out if they need your work.

It makes sense to me that Leonardo's letter would be considered unique from that, since his document was specifically written for someone who was trying to fill a specific position. That's what we still do today with résumés.

of course we also do websites, but that's a separate thing


Pfeffer_Prinz OP t1_j5mgpqw wrote

hmmm... the Tallhoffer search had 0 results:

> Your search - "theatre of machine" hans tallhoffer - did not match any documents.

for Kyeser I found Bellifortis, which wikipedia describes as "the first fully illustrated manual of military technology" ... Is that what you meant? it's cool, but it doesn't mention anything about applying for jobs...

Are there any links you can share for what you mean?