It sounds to me like he has moved on with his life without you and just hasn't told you yet. Its understandable to be busy when you've just moved to a new place, but you shouldn't be so busy that your girlfriend now just has to expect to be disappointed by you.

I think mentally it will be much better for you to end the relationship now before you let it continue like this for the indefinite future. Because let's be honest.

You've talked about it. You've had conversations. He KNOWS how you feel. He KNOWS what you're asking for to make you feel better. He just doesn't seem to really care to put the effort in without constant prodding. You shouldn't have to force your boyfriend to care about you.

I truly think before you even try to do this, go to counseling with your wife. Make sure this is something she really wants you to do and not just something she wants you to do because she feels inadequate. Encourage her to be completely honest.

And then use those counseling sessions to discuss rules, if it does turn out that she is okay with you doing this. What are the rules for intimacy? Can you develop feelings for another person? What about protection? Are you going to require your partner to have a clean STD test before you get intimate? Where are these moments going to take place? Does your wife want to know when it happens or does she want to remain blissfully unaware? Does she want to know what they look like or what their name is?

What are her stipulations for still keeping your marriage alive? More date nights? Scheduled intimacy with her? What happens if she suddenly grows uncomfortable with this, are you willing to quit immediately? What happens if she decides eventually she wants to see other people too? Are you okay with that?

There's a lot of stuff to discuss that could be much easier to talk about in a safe space like with a therapist who can help you see stuff you might not otherwise due to your relationship.

As for where to find people, you could always use a dating app.

I think this is a matter that needs to be worked out in couple's counseling.

Does she still want to be a SAHM? When you're home does she still get to go out and work on her hobbies like you tried to do over the break? When is the last time she went out of the house and did something just for herself without your or your child? It sounds to me like she either resents you for being able to lock yourself in a room away from them for the day, and/or she doesn't respect that while you're locked in your office or wherever you do your work, that you're actually working and not just relaxing in there.

It does sound like you do help out a good amount with your child but is there anything you can do to help with the mental load on your wife?

It might be worth looking into getting a babysitter for one day every couple of weeks so your wife can go out and get a break. Either that or discuss her going back to work and you getting childcare.

You say here yourself that his beliefs are not compatible with you as a person. And yet you're still trying to make it work?

He isn't going to understand that his statement is fucked up because he doesn't want to understand. "Boys will be boys" is such a harmful dismissal of the actual issue. There isn't really a "biological inclination" to want to rape someone. You've already tried to explain that to him and he just wants to "agree to disagree" and sweep it under the rug.

You can either let him do that and be okay with it, or you can stick up for yourself and refuse to carry on in a relationship with a guy who thinks that he's just biologically wired to want to rape you but his "emotions" keep him from doing it.

It does sound to me like you might be on the spectrum or have some other mental health problem. I'm not a therapist so don't take my word for it. But consider that that might have some implication in why people stop talking to you, not to be harsh. Just the way that you talk about the mental breakdown you're having when people don't have time in their adult lives to reply to a text message sounds exhausting.

I think it would be really beneficial for you to try to get into some free/reduced cost therapy if you can find it. It might be useful for you to find coping mechanisms for times like this, but also to seek either a diagnosis or help with your anxiety.

Are you in therapy?

You kinda sound like the homewrecker, not her.

If this is actually real, you NEED to tell her what kind of people her family is if they're literally telling you to poke holes in condoms and ruin her bodily autonomy just so they can have grandkids. There is no "three of you" in this relationship.

It's you and her.

Not you, her, mommy, and daddy.

Instead of lying for days and pretending you liked it you should've told him up front and said that you like the sentiment but it's not your style and ask if he would be willing to go with you so you could exchange it.

A lie kept up over days is much worse than telling someone when you get a gift that you would prefer something else.

He's not worth it. Absolutely not.

A 40 year old man can't keep a job, can't clean up after himself, can't help his partner with bills, refuses to get help for his mental health. He's a walking red flag and you'd be doing yourself a disservice to stay even if he has a daughter you love.

There's a reason he was single when you met him.

You also need to call the police and give them the information you know.