Sounds like you not only have anxiety but BPD (boarderline personality disorder) we tend to self sabotage. If there is no way to find him fb, twit, insta, then you gotta learn how to forgive yourself for this things and learn to be more open. I am unipolar, bpd, anxiety, ptsd, introvert. I learned how to open up to people by just treating everyone that I was talking to by acting like I've known them for years. When its one on one its a little easier

If you're depressed drinking and cutting there are deeper issues then disrespect going on you should be open and honest with your mom and tell her everything. You need counseling from a good therapist and not one that will just goes "uh huh, yes, tell me what you think?" You need one that will help you give you the tools to move through the trauma and deal with it so you can accomplish your potential in life and believe you me trauma does hold you back.

Whats her problem? She know you're lack toast and tall ants? She knew that when she married you. Good times and bad. Reclaim your spot in the bed or throw her butt out when she gains a pound/stone/kg, see how she likes it

You're not an idiot. Accidents happen especially if you are unfimiliar with gas stoves. Your family realized this. Just double check and triple check like next time. I always do whenever using gas cause I have that fear. I am even getting up after the gas is turned off to just make sure. Get some portable detecters if you can

Then consider it the best Christmas ever and enjoy the memories cause you'll miss these times when they are gone.