I never expected heaven to look like this. I expected nothing, or maybe everything - but not this.
The office was hallways, meeting rooms, conference tables enclosed in glass walls, and cubicles as far as you could see. The workers were buzzing with tasks, documents, spreadsheets, and faxes like a swarm of jittery, methamphetamine-fuelled hornets. It was both chaos and order, efficiency and impotence, able and feeble. The scene was unpleasant to watch.
I stood frozen in place in the small breakroom kitchen, staring as God lit a cigarette in front of me, dusting the ashes off his tie. He stares at me as his eye twitches slightly.
"Yes, yeah. A beer sounds good right now." It feels like the words drool out of my mouth.
God smirks, nods, and reaches inside a microwave. At least it looks like a microwave - inside was stacks of beer.
He grips the lid with his thumb and forefinger, and lifts it up as if it had never been attached. He offers me the brown, unmarked bottle.
I squint, stare, blink twice, and take the beer.
"What the hell did you mean when you said the universe was doomed?"
God laughs a booming, hearty laugh.
"Well you see kid, kiddo, can I call you kiddo? You see kiddo, the universe runs on a matrix of neuroneuons that counterlace with the intrinsic matter-scale of the material plane."
I nod, wondering if I'm having a stroke.
"Right, okay. What does that mean then?"
God chuckles.
"Ah, new guy. I'm full of shit you know? I just tease. No science-y bullshit here. Straight up, it's just shutting down. No real reason right now, but I've got my best guys working on it."
I look out at the Kafkaesque office space around me.
"'New guy'? Do I work for you too?"
God flicks the ashes off his cigarette and with his free hand shoots me a finger gun.
"You betcha kiddo! Now listen, I know it's not a good day for you to be starting like this but you better believe you gotta whole lotta work ahead of you. You're going to go over to the Universe Existence department and hop on in there and uh... dig around in it, really get in it you know?"
I stare, he sighs, I reach my arm up to ask a question.
"Wait what is the-"
I'm in a cubicle with four other people, and three of them are turning papers upside down before shredding them.
"HI JERRY, I'M GEORGE, YOU KNOW WE NEED YOU TO REALLY START PULLING YOUR WEIGHT AROUND HERE, YOU'VE BEEN HERE EIGHT SECONDS AND HAVEN'T GOT INTO THE TEAM SPIRIT YET!"
George dumps a stack of papers in front of me, and as my vision goes dim and it feels like my brain atrophies, I start mindlessly flipping the papers.
Protato900 t1_iy51qjn wrote
Reply to [WP] You die and end up in a place full of offices. Everyone's busy. You ask to a weird pretty guy, glancing at people severly. "Sorry where am I?" The guy looks at you. “Oh, welcome Jerry, plaese take a seat, plasure to meet you. I am God. I would love chat but the universe is doomed, want a beer?" by kayledoscopic
I never expected heaven to look like this. I expected nothing, or maybe everything - but not this.
The office was hallways, meeting rooms, conference tables enclosed in glass walls, and cubicles as far as you could see. The workers were buzzing with tasks, documents, spreadsheets, and faxes like a swarm of jittery, methamphetamine-fuelled hornets. It was both chaos and order, efficiency and impotence, able and feeble. The scene was unpleasant to watch.
I stood frozen in place in the small breakroom kitchen, staring as God lit a cigarette in front of me, dusting the ashes off his tie. He stares at me as his eye twitches slightly.
"Yes, yeah. A beer sounds good right now." It feels like the words drool out of my mouth.
God smirks, nods, and reaches inside a microwave. At least it looks like a microwave - inside was stacks of beer.
He grips the lid with his thumb and forefinger, and lifts it up as if it had never been attached. He offers me the brown, unmarked bottle.
I squint, stare, blink twice, and take the beer.
"What the hell did you mean when you said the universe was doomed?"
God laughs a booming, hearty laugh.
"Well you see kid, kiddo, can I call you kiddo? You see kiddo, the universe runs on a matrix of neuroneuons that counterlace with the intrinsic matter-scale of the material plane."
I nod, wondering if I'm having a stroke.
"Right, okay. What does that mean then?"
God chuckles.
"Ah, new guy. I'm full of shit you know? I just tease. No science-y bullshit here. Straight up, it's just shutting down. No real reason right now, but I've got my best guys working on it."
I look out at the Kafkaesque office space around me.
"'New guy'? Do I work for you too?"
God flicks the ashes off his cigarette and with his free hand shoots me a finger gun.
"You betcha kiddo! Now listen, I know it's not a good day for you to be starting like this but you better believe you gotta whole lotta work ahead of you. You're going to go over to the Universe Existence department and hop on in there and uh... dig around in it, really get in it you know?"
I stare, he sighs, I reach my arm up to ask a question.
"Wait what is the-"
I'm in a cubicle with four other people, and three of them are turning papers upside down before shredding them.
"HI JERRY, I'M GEORGE, YOU KNOW WE NEED YOU TO REALLY START PULLING YOUR WEIGHT AROUND HERE, YOU'VE BEEN HERE EIGHT SECONDS AND HAVEN'T GOT INTO THE TEAM SPIRIT YET!"
George dumps a stack of papers in front of me, and as my vision goes dim and it feels like my brain atrophies, I start mindlessly flipping the papers.