Thank You, kindly. I could do better if I had a week to polish it up. Two hours goes by pretty quickly for a scant, five-minute read, y'know? Still satisfying, though! Like a cold glass of orange juice at breakfast.

My girlfriend couldn't understand WHY I seemed to be all over the place when it came to who, or what, I was. Truth be told, some days I didn't get it either. My father and mother seemed pretty average. Him being a Satyr via my gramps and half-witch on my grandma's side might have something to do with it. Mom? Oh, she's a full-blown vampire from the old country. No issue there. She even loves to do the old 'BLEH! BLEH BLEHHH!' joke that still tickles me to this day, honestly! Even I admit that my parents are an absolute blast when family and friends gather during the holidays. Life of the party when they've had a few bottles of wine in them. Heh heh! Still, after all the years my parents have been together even a blind man could see the desires they exude for each other & in which they would always continually relish...whiiiiiich is one of the reasons I moved out shortly after my older brother and sister did the same. Can you imagine what sounds like a full-blown wrestling match coupled with the lewdest porno you've ever heard turned up to full volume coming from the folks who brought you into this world? I can't tell you how many times I caught my dad coming out of their bedroom, sweating like he's run non-stop from the North-end to the distant South-shores, naked as the day he was born, dripping and SMELLING like ALL KINDS of pheromones. 'Mr. Natural' he calls himself, darn the chiseled abs on that old goat! More than once have I also seen my mother naked, too zonked out of her mind to bother covering up after 'big daddy' had another one of his 'best-nights-ever' with his wife/my mom. Once, she caught me looking (not my fault, I swear!) and smiled at me, gave me a wink, blew me a kiss & then continued to float toward the bathroom to 'freshen up.' She'd then hover to the kitchen to make him a roast beef sandwich (cooked rare, still bleeding, duh!) while nude, nude, nude, both her gravity defying 'girls' and 'full moon' clearly visible for anyone with a beating-pulse to see.

Wow.

I, uh...I could SEE why he married her!

Now imagine those sounds and images in your head for nineteen turns of the warm season?!?

Yeah. Ew.

That's around the time when I decided to become the BEST Paramedic-Healer I could be. To help the local residents with potions, medicine and medical attention? Yes, sure enough...but mainly because I was so very good at biology, math and all the science-magics. The fact that I'd be PAID HANDSOMELY for my efforts and easily be able to afford my own place wasn't exactly a major roadblock, either! True, my place isn't as picturesque as the castle I grew up in, but it's mine. The humans know how to build a good, sturdy apartment building! NONE of my physical forms even so much as warp the floorboards when I'm at my heaviest...and I live on the 5th floor, just below the penthouses! Thank goodness for those wide double doors at the entrance and the balcony! None of that seemed to matter to my current love interest, however. We're arguing for the umpteenth time about my hectic work schedule and me having to explain to her, yet again, why I can't come to one of her vapid parties with all her elf and worgen friends where the main rule for these giggling female revelers seemed to be 'drink until you vomit or pass out!'

Fucking elf lightweights! If you can't handle your ale & lager, don't DRINK so much! No wonder they're all so lanky and pale! Did no one ever tell them about eating a full meal BEFORE binge drinking!? Do you know how embarrassing it was having to show my dragon form to everyone at work? I had to FLY two of her intoxicated idiot friends to the ER one summer weekend because they enjoyed more mimosas than the piles of breakfast foods being offered during the buffet at our favorite local resort by the sea. Scared the absolute shit out of my direct supervisor who had to pull duty that weekend! Then I stood in the thankfully near empty parking lot, fighting the heat and humidity to change to my smaller centaur form so that I could rinse off inside the familiar locker room showers because one of the inconsiderate she-goons PUKED ON ME mid-flight! It was my bad luck that it had to be the big wolf girl who is always putting me down for not staying in the same form 24/7, the narcissist skank!

"For the last time, at day I'm a centaur, at night I'm a vampire, at the full moon I'm a werewolf, when I'm in water I'm a merman, during the hottest day I'm a dragon and at the coldest night I'm a yeti." What was so difficult for these drunken blockheads to understand about that!?

Not five seconds after my usual rant-"BLLUUUUUUUURGH!!"-alllllll overrrrr my left wiiiiiiing!

I sat on a smooth, wooden bench as the calming spray washed over me, letting my thoughts peacefully drift along as the hot, soothing water rinsed the orange-colored muck with that horrid bile aroma off of my person and down the drain. Seeing my lower half, I actually enjoyed how the brightly colored scales glistened in the sunlight from the small window high overhead even amidst so much steam. For a brief moment I was a little selfish, wondering if I could catch a much-desired nap on the worn leather couch a few feet nearby, just past the bathroom entrance. That hope was dashed when I heard the door swing open with a 'wooosh, BLAMM!' and close with a 'squeeeeeeeee, ka-lunk.' Within a minute I saw my supervisor step into the shower room with me wide eyed and aghast, her tall, curvy orc form a beautiful shimmering green vision before my eyes. I sat rigid and unmoving for a full minute before clearing my throat, her floral shampoo scent assaulting my brain and...other...parts...of my surprised and confused anatomy.

"Oh. Hey. Figured you'd be in here after I saw the spit-up all over your back from the wolf chick. Not gonna lie, I've been there before. Friends who drink too much can be a real pain inna ass, y'know?" Squirting more soap in her hands, she began to lather up her ample breasts and I watched enraptured as the pulsing water hit her surprisingly pretty face. It happily flowed through her short, dark, brunette hair, down her muscular shoulders to her flat stomach, around her generous hips and finally raced vertically toward her manicured feet, those long, shapely legs made so by years of running with both light and heavy patients embraced by her solid arms when in need of medical aid.

Waaait a second...did...did she say she figured I'd be in here??