There's a reason the last psych left and they are dragging their heels getting a replacement.. why have loose threads when you can just have a loose thread.

Hot dogs, I am so sorry for what you are going through, but just want to say your recollection here is beautifully written.

Okay, but what's the weekly rent on that place? Is it still available? Asking for me and my entire generation..

What a shitty situation..

Sadie needs to go in Hells Kitchen, Ramsay would love her.

"YOU SET FIRE TO THE BUILDING, WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU DOING?!?"

'Peeling potatoes chef..'

OK, firstly if your clients or boss is demanding to smell check or sniff you before you start plumbing, that's whack. Secondly, stop washing your hair every time you shower, once every two to three days bro or you're gonna strip the natural oils. Thirdly, how do you wash your hair? Just tilt your head back a little while soaping, and when rinsing put your back to the faucet and arch backwards/run your hands backwards through your hair.. don't just stand there getting soap in your eyes, cmon now guy!

This has been a public service announcement.

You likened dogs and cats to being large rats, did you mean that as a compliment? Rats are incredibly clean, social, affectionate and very very intelligent. They will come by name when called, can be taught trucks, and are just the lovliest little critters that don't deserve any of the bad rap they've been given.

Also good on you for saving a stray, you're a good bean.

Yeah okay but they need to pay you enough that you don't need to work a day job also, firstly for the sake of humanity and you staying awake/healthy, secondly because that's a hell of a lot of responsibility.

Surely there is a 'Painting Guard' union you can join.

Yesterday, upon the stair, I met a man who wasn't there! He wasn't there again today, Oh how I wish he'd go away!

Wow that Stephen sure did have an eyes for details.

One month with no contact ey? Stop threatening me with a good time.

Wait.. OK so scary I know.. but what's scarier is living in this economy.. you're talking a reality of no rent, free food and water?

This sounds like millennial paradise.

Your cash register, was it light/missing cash when you did the count? Any stock missing?

Tell me this, was the register light end of shift? I'm afraid you've fallen for the oldest trick in the book, the ol 'two hippies and a ghost dog' ruse.

Crackers are the worst! One minute you're having a lovely afternoon tea, the next some crackers show up trying to colonise your picnic.

Yeah but if you don't beat it you'll just go insane. Time to get a game genie.

Finally a story on here with an uplifting wholesome outcome. Hopefully anyone like your sister reading this will learn the important moral of 'talk shit, get hit, sometimes by a ghost with a sledgehammer' and decide to just get therapy instead.

In that sexy skin tight suit.. bet it feels like he's wearing nothing at all.

Haha I was legit thinking the same thing. Even the discussion about her being pregnant was giving off major red flags.

Clearly you should have put the brakes on that relationship a lot sooner, sounds like he drove you insane.

Heh sounds swell. It can have my daily annoyance and frustration of cleaning the kitchen, or any other domestic duties. It gets a stupid seed and I get to forget having to take the trash out. Hope it enjoys mediocre emotions and memories!

Trust me, everyone knows what they are hiding, and we freakin wish it was aliens.

Ohhh nooo you've gone and accidentally bought the 'Groundhog Day Screaming Special Edition Alexa', I had a similar experience with a 'Freaky Friday Body Swapper Edition Alexa' that put me in my cats body for 24 hours. Actually it wasn't that bad, though I did ultimately get fired when Mr Fuzzles decided to do some 'personal grooming' in the middle of my bosses presentation at the bi-annual board meeting..

Oh hot damn that is dark af.. glad I saw your comment it just bumped this up a few notches. That was incredibly subtle and easy to miss.

Im guessing your dog is checking your guests for a pulse. Out of everything, the way it greets people was what stood out to me most.