You still want it written down, so that way there are no arguments or misunderstandings.

My mother never wrote it down. Some people wanted parts of her ashes. Others wanted to keep her all together. Some people want her buried or put in a columbarium. Others wanted to keep her at home. My dad wants her interned with him and we're all adamant that that doesn't happen. The result is that her ashes sat in a closet for several years. Shes now in a box in my sisters living room. None of us can agree what to do with her, 15 years later.

Legally, the newspaper and ditch is not an option, exactly. You might look into natural burial if you just want a hole in the ground.

I know you wrote this to be funny but like, do it.

Write up an advance directive. Let people know what you want done with your body. If you don't want cremation, find an alternative that works for you and write that shit down.

Otherwise, it'll be up to your grieving family to decide and you don't want them being pushed into a $10,000 embalming/vault/casket bullshit by some pushy funeral director.