A boulder? A boulder big enough to damage your car but small enough for you to not notice? This whole thing sounds like bullshit

Personally, the second someone threatened my cat, I’d be kicking them out. Technically your problem solves itself in a month - she’s moving out. Avoid her as much as you can for this next month and then breathe a sigh of relief when she buggers off.

No, you don’t. There’s absolutely no reason for any partner to ever have my passcodes. I was with my ex for 12 years and neither of us had access to the others’s devices, nor did we ever ask.

I think expecting access to someone’s phone and/or laptop is a red flag. People are allowed privacy, even in relationships. Him not allowing you access to either isn’t ringing alarm bells.

At this point, you have nothing. No evidence, just a feeling. You could either talk to him or just keep an eye on things and see how they pan out.

No it’s not. No one here is going to know what’s going on, we don’t know her and we aren’t mind readers. In relationships, you have to use your words.

Ask her

From his point of view, you’ve had the guts of 8 years. How much more time must he give/waste? It sounds as if his cup has run dry. Ultimately you can’t make someone want you when they don’t want you. The only respectable thing to do here is accept he feels the way he feels, move on and do better.

I think you should end it. You appear to have made yourself perfectly clear multiple times and she gaslights you in to thinking it’s all your fault or you should be doing more. She’s manipulating you and taking you for a ride financially. She sounds exhausting and frustrating. You’re going to be better off (in terms of your finances and your mental health) being single.

What are you asking?