A mushroom cloud over yonder: Is it hidden by your thumb?

It was going well until she found out I'm a furry. But we're getting ahead of ourselves, aren't we?

It was your average Monday, and I kept sneaking glances at Laria who was sitting a couple rows over from me. She was our resident goth when goth as a style was dying out, and there were rumors she was a witch. Arthur, noticing my furtive glances, dared me to take her out on a date, and despite my insistence that I couldn't - I didn't even drive a car - he and a bunch of other guys insisted, and transportation would not be a problem since one of them volunteered to double-date with his girlfriend.

So now it was Friday night, and we skipped out on the football game to go to an Italian place, which Laria and I decided on. The four of us got our orders in, and then it was time for conversation. Gerald, the guy who was dating Hannah, let slip the fateful remark, and I felt a chill in the air as Laria fixed me with a strange yet powerful stare, and I felt electricity flow between us as something clicked in place.

The rest of the date proceeded without incident, and we went out separate ways as Gerald dropped each of us off. Laria gave me a kiss as I stopped at her door, and the sparks seemed to intensify.

That night was the most painful one I ever had, and I passed out at some point for the rest of the weekend, even missing church that Sunday. When I awoke early Monday morning, I was thirsty above all else, and so I went to the bathroom for a drink of water.

Turning on the light, I was grateful I held a plastic cup, the strange sensations from my proprioception making sense now as I beheld the body of an anthropomorphic bassarisk, and I realized Laria had turned me into what I now knew to be my true fursona. Odd, I thought, looking up what I had become. I've always thought of myself as a wolf, but...this 'ringtail' fits me to a T.

I suddenly grew a big self-conscious, noticing I was naked, and shuddered as I thought of the fright I must have given my folks. Only then did I realize all the time I had lost as I glanced at the date on my phone, and got to work right away on the homework that would be due later that day.

When I got to school that morning, I noticed that despite how different I was, people were treating it as though it was...normal? Then I realized that they were whispering not about me, but about Laria, and I turned around and beheld the most beautiful bassarisk woman I had ever seen.

First period was awkward as the teacher seated us next to each other, muttering something about the consequences of wish fulfillment and curses whilst offering congratulations, and Laria mentioned to me that the teacher is her father. With a common name like Smith, I wouldn't have guessed. She promised to explain everything to me at lunch, and I reluctantly agreed, though I wanted to know right then what was going on and why both of us were bassarisk people.

The explanation took the whole lunch period after we got our meat-laden meals, and now I understood why her dad was both upset and elated. Apparently if a witch or wizard transforms someone into something else by a curse or fulfillment of a wish, that person's soulmate is transformed as well in order that no barriers be erected in the way of true love. And so, when she transformed me into my true fursona, she became her true fursona as well, and since we were soulmates...

Years have gone by since then, and after graduating from high school and college, we are the proud parents of many children, all bassarisks as well...at least until they meet their soulmates. Then they become their soulmate's true fursona. Having this "curse" be passed down and propagate through further generations does not concern us; after all, humanity needs to speciate, as 8 billion of a single species is too much. And it turns out we weren't the first to undergo such a transformation, as descendants of other such couples from throughout history have come out of the woodwork to help us find jobs and other things necessary for functioning in society. You know those mascots you see at sports games and theme parks? A good number of them actually have actual furries underneath.

As I lay here with Laria in my furred arms, making love once again, I once more thank Gerald for mentioning that small detail about me. Without that remark, I would be a lot worse off in life right now. That sly fox...

No, no, I insist you take it from me. I don't want to change back. Don't you realize? Having transformed into my true fursona, I have made my inner self visible. Sure, I may be more and less than human now, and I will certainly face more problems than the ones I had, but this is all I ever wanted here on Earth.

What? AnthroCon? Guest of Honor? Wait, we're seriously sending this thing to all the furries in the world? You do realize that... Okay, okay, got it. Yeah, that might just work. Transmogrify into more Rocks of Transmogrification, transmogrify back into yourselves from those rocks...for free? Seriously? You... Ok, wow, you actually just did it. And now there's a lot of you in this room. I... I'm going to step outside. This could get messier than a chessboard of rice.

"It's a what, you said?" the man's roommate asked.

"A bassarisk! It's the only animal other than cats to self-domesticate, and now we've started taking advantage of that!"

"That sounds a lot like basilisk, but I must admit it's adorable. And look at that tail! It's as long as its body!"

"Yeah, that's what got this particular species of bassarisk its name, the ringtail."

"So it's a lemur, then?" the roommate asked with a quizzical expression.

"Are there any lemurs native to North America?"

The roommate facepalmed. "Not a lemur, then. So what is it?"

"A procyonid, related to raccoons."

"Why didn't we try to domesticate raccoons, then?"

"Because unlike this cutie, they didn't domesticate themselves when humans moved into their territory."

"Gotcha. And you say this is a better mouser than cats?"

"Yup. It's also called a ring-tailed cat, and in the 19th century, when these domesticated themselves in miner's towns, 'ring-tailed' was American slang for 'remarkable' and 'exceptional'. So they were basically saying it was an 'exceptional' cat."

"Okay, I guess we can keep it, so long as it doesn't destroy the furniture. But please, why couldn't you have just gotten a cat?"

"You need at least two henchmen! 'Henchman' just doesn't sound right!"

Maracas

A canyon bed, a bassarisk, and a spotted skunk.

Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo.

The version I heard went "Why did you bring pavement to heaven?" XD

To pull a comparison from r/Catholicism, it's like the book "How to Explain the Trinity Without Being a Heretic": You can't. Basically whatever explanation or model we have falls short at some point at the quantum level.

Mid-20's and already doing it.

In my late-mid 20's and my farts are getting stinkier and stinkier.

Yeah, they stink.

The poor bird... :'(

r/ESL

Release the T-Rex!

You quickly realize why the miners prefer the bassarisks over the cats.

Yeah, that's enough Reddit for tonight.

Continuation of this story

It wasn't long after the funeral that Bassarisk started encountering troubles in his new hero life. Sure, cowing Doomsdayer and killing his mind-reading jackalope sidekick Naysayer was a heck of an entrance onto the stage of the multiple dimensions connected through reality 5265616c697479204e65787573 - his home dimension - and showing the Fur Fighters, a formerly criminal circus of animal-bitten supers that took after the creatures that bit them, how to be a force for good was an additional notch in the proverbial belt, but it was not without its consequences. Heroes were distrustful of him and his new compatriots, partly because they were so new to the heroic side of things, but mostly because of the power he had that cowed Doomsdayer and forced him to go into hiding, aside from an interview with a journalist by the name of Todd Chapman where he quoted the famous line, "I fear no man, but that thing... It scares me."

And it wasn't because he could make duplicates of himself. No, that wasn't the case at all. If they were mere duplicates that could call upon their own powers, it would have been fine and he would have been welcomed with open arms. No, as it turned out upon further analysis with the help of Carl, the new director of the Bureau of Superhuman Recruitment, that power instead turned out to be multilocation. A notable example of this in the days of old, when superhumans were unheard of, was Padre Pio's miraculous bilocation, which allowed him to do two different things in two places at once. This multilocation was taking that and cranking it up well over eleven, as the BSR found that there was no discernable limit to the number of multilocals Bassarisk could create. The second time he had done it to avenge Dr. Frank, the prior director, he had been in 10,000 places at once - 10,001 if they counted the original instance facing down Doomsdayer. Additionally, each had a unique ability, or at least a unique way of performing those abilities, and this revelation sent shockwaves through heroes, villains, and mercenaries alike. When Doomsdayer heard this, he became even more paranoid, not knowing whether that scratching sound in the night was an instance of Bassarisk coming to take him to justice or just a mouse, eventually keeping his helmet with infrared vision on just so he could sleep.

It was during this time that Bassarisk was about to go on stage at Dickies Arena in Fort Worth, TX...or at least what remained of the city after Twister tore a path through it five months ago. He had been there, of course - how could he not with the multilocation? - and the devastation was so great he couldn't even turn back the clock on much of the damage. Anything that wasn't of cultural significance was written off, condemned, and readied for new development. His task there, of course, was to use his shields to protect said cultural sites, and he took great joy in attending Mass at the cathedral while winds in the theoretical F6 range blew outside. He had to come to terms then with the fact that he could not save everyone and everything, and the heroes who lauded him also cursed him under his breath for not helping with the fight against the living tornado.

And here he was again, about to perform the grand act of the Fur Fighter Circus: the one-man trapeze team. It was humbling work, keeping the people entertained through what many considered to be a silly act of theatrics and agility. Focusing backstage, he brought out the multilocals. No powers to put on display, just using the multilocation to keep costs low on an act they previously couldn't perform.

RingLemurr, the alluringly charismatic ring-tailed lemur and the ringleader of their team, announced the upcoming act out in the audience, and Bassarisk did the deed. Instantly, five multilocals appeared in their positions, with a sixth hidden away to keep an eye out for any villains who wanted to disrupt the act.

The circus had been a group of criminals once, before Bassarisk joined them, and they still were briefly after while Bassarisk was coached in the use of his body's natural abilities by RingLemurr while Bassarisk showed them how they could be heroes. Now they helped out with heroes' patrols in the cities they stopped in, occasionally even stopping a criminal or villain before the local superhero team even got an alert. They were appreciated, yes, but only out of fear due to having Bassarisk on their team. His name didn't do him many favors, being phonetically similar to the once-mythological basilisk, but he kept his promise of being a hero.

It was when the act was about to finish that six shots rang out from outside, and the multilocals dropped dead. Security instantly began to try and ferry people out, but Bassarisk sent a mental ping that told them that doing so would put the citizens in even more danger. A multilocal was placed in the basement, a shield surrounding the building, while Bassarisk went out with the Fur Fighters at his side and faced down the one he knew would return: Doomsdayer.