Too soon. Hilarious, but too soon.

Im sorry? Is flaming raccoon code for something? Or are we saying that some ass hat lit a living creature on fire and threw it at a house?

I peeked at Zillow when I was working in Erie last year. For the same price as I pay for the mortgage on my east PA row home, I could own a 5+ bedroom with land and a view.

But like, the grass is always greener? I know folks in NYC paying twice what I am a month just to rent a 1 bedroom.

How can you agree with the statement and go on to cite the absolute worst restaurant in the county? You can find McDonald’s in the area that cook better food than that beige garbage.

I went up to Erie for a gig at the Warner Theatre there last spring. First time in that corner of the state.

I thought it was a cute town? Although it had a definite “place in transition” vibe, I couldn’t tell if things were getting better or worse? One thing I did notice was that every place I went to dinner closed their kitchen an hour earlier than what was posted on Google. Like, one place is a mistake, but three places seemed weird?

Biggest bright side is the housing market. I could sell my eastern PA row home and buy a mansion in Erie. And if I wouldn’t have a six hour drive to most of my gigs, it would be absolutely tempting.

If I was on the transplant list, I would not want those organs. That’s a heart I’d turn down. All of him in the chipper. Feet first please.

“You won’t believe it, Chief! I was just hanging out in a bar, having a quiet drink, and this guy comes up and starts telling me about raping kids. He just spends his whole day raping away at ‘em!”

“So you arrested him right? The self confessed rapist?”

“Aww man, I knew I forgot to do something today.”

Absolutely not a scheduling problem. This is common practice in all fast food. When I was 14 and working at a Hardee’s, my manager would regularly have me clock out at 7, work till 11, and he’d log my extra 4 during the day while I was at school.

I don’t have a lot of opinions on minor league baseball, but there’s one hill I’m ready to die on. The Reading “Fightin Phil’s” need to be renamed the Reading Rainbows.

I might be a dummy, but I’m only finding their candidates for governor and lt governor. How do I find their candidates for other state offices?

You’re assuming he’ll actually move out. Oz won’t set foot in PA post election one way or the other.