"The thing about loving a Hero is, they always have to put the world first. But a Villain? A villain would watch the world burn to save someone they love!"

"Or for fun." You point out with a shrug. Once your darling set a hamburger joint on fire for wishing him a good day instead of a nice day.

Beverly wrinkles her nose. She insists on thinking her Beau did all his horrible deeds in her name. She calls them declarations of his love but you know it's just his own boredom. Travis smirks and you know he gets it.

"Just because Your Man doesn't take out an entire football stadium for you-" Beverly starts up again before there's a small eruption. We aren't supposed to talk about actual 'deeds' our villainous partners have done, but once in a while something slips out. Alex bangs the gavel, calling us all to order again.

"Ok, folks. Let's discuss. Beverly, while I see your point is valid, do you think that could be problematic? It makes it sound like you blame yourself for your boyfriends actions. And what do we say here in Vilain partners support group about blame?

"We are only responsible for the actions we take, not the crimes of our partners" we all intone rather dully. Beverly doesn't look convinced. Stuart places a hand on her shoulder. You're fairly sure he and Beverly are dating the same vilain, but the group rules prevent you from asking.

"I'm sure he does lots of world burning to make you smile. But even if you didn't date him, he would still be the same wild untamed man. You love him, and you don't really want that to change, do you?"

Beverly takes his hand and smiles brightly. "Of course. You're right Stu."

Since this is considered a break through, I clap with the rest of the room. Alex stands up.

"Ok, I think that wraps up for this week. For homework, I want everyone to come back with three legal things their partner has done to show us they care. Have a good week and remember, love your partner for who they are."

Chuck him under the bed

I think my first thought would be "I'm not getting that blueberry syrup I asked for" before woah there's a demon and a woman juggling the grill

The demon returned to the kitchen, wiping egg off its horns and ranting in tongues. "You didn't warn me about her." He grumbled at the summoner as Charla walked through the swinging doors.

"Frank. I should have known it was you. I hope you plan to wipe that up." She pointed to the pentagram of pancake batter.

Frank wrinkled his nose. "I didn't expect anyone to be around after-" he admitted and fetched the mop. He glared at the Demon. "I said no survivors. Why couldn't you carry out that one order?"

"Here I thought we were comrades, Frank. And now I find you're plotting my death?" Charlas eyes flickered in the light, giving them a strange inhuman look. "I'm just trying to get my 40 hours and make enough tips to pay rent. Waffle House is one of the fee places I can work without standing out."

"You mean- youre..you're... not human?" Frank stuttered. Charla rolled her eyes and allowed her long, inky shadows to cover the walls and floor.

"You knew I was an Eldrich, didn't you? You saw me juggle the hot griddle last week."

"Yea, but I also saw Dennis crawl butt-ass naked through the drive thru. And there was that Karen who caught a pigeon midflight with her bare hands."

Charla smirked. "Like I said, I don't stand out here. Next time you want to set a demon loose on the place, can you at least warn your coworkers?"

Frank looked up in surprise as Charla resumed her human appearance. "You mean- you're not going to write me up?"

Charla laughed. "Nah. Like I said. This is a waffle house. This isn't even the weirdest thing to happen today"

(For anyone who doesn't know, Waffle House is a wilder, more feral Dennys)

The red eyes blazed from the corner as the hell hounds approached. Their master, a terrifying demon with large horns and glowing yellow eyes bore down on the unsuspecting human.

"I am here for your soul" it hisses in a voice that shook the house.

"Ok. But hand me that monkey wrench first." Came the somewhat muffled response. The owner of the voice was shoved half under the sink, holding one grubby hand patiently awaiting the tool. Caught off guard, the demon complied.

"Uhh sure... what are you doing?" The demon watched the human wriggle and grunt, changing the pipes.

"Getting some decent water pressure. What good is a functional heat pump if we can't get any decent water pressure?" The human popped out and scrambled to its feet.

"Heat pump? You mean- hot showers?" The demon positively danced with glee.

"Yup. Pretty easy fix. My uncle was a plumber. Taught me all about this stuff." The human turned on the taps and after a minute, clear hot water poured from the spout. The succubus from the attic sat on the chair by the dining table.

"Last week she git rid of that squeaky floorboard on the third step. And the mold in the attic is gone."

The demon looked at the human who sat up on the counter and opened a beer. "With skills like yours, you could live anywhere."

"Can't beat the rent." She shrugged and took another sip. "And I've had way worse room mates in college."

Hurry gurdy

The Mari Lwyd as the sassy best friend in a knock off cheesy Hallmark movie. Feel free to make everyone part of the LGBTQIA+ Community though

"For the last time, during the day I'm a centaur, at night I'm a vampire, at the full moon I'm a werewolf, when I'm in water I'm a merman, during the hottest day I'm a dragon and at the coldest night I'm a yeti."

"Mmmhmm." You didn't ask for his life story. Why is he telling you this?

He looks at you in mild disbelief and squeezes back out of his booth. You hope to God he's house trained. "See? I'm a Centaur right now. I just spent the entire night as a vampire and frankly I'm exhausted." He groans and slides back into the booth. "I didn't ask for this. Nobody would ask for this"

"I certainly didn't." You mutter under your breath. "Listen, sugar. I know you're going through a lot, but this isn't the time, here isn't the place and I'm certainly not the person. I only need on piece of information from you, and only one," You hold up the half empty pot of coffee. It's hot and strong and you almost know the answer anyways. "Do you want more coffee.

The centaur/vampire/werewolf/merman/ dragon/yeti held out his coffee cup. You fill it up and roll your eyes.

He thanks you and takes a deep sip. You wipe the table off and nod.

"I'll be right out with your eggs and bacon. Please try to remember this is a Dennys, not a therapist." You warn as you check on the other patrons. centaur/vampire/werewolf/merman/ dragon/yeti better tip 20% because you do not get paid enough for this.

My family is super rich. I have seen all my aunts and uncles suffer with some addiction or other. When you have money to burn, no drug is off limits. I can tell you about my uncle, who put meth in his redbull and woke up naked in the gorilla enclosure. Or about my aunt who ate a whole pan of Magic Brownies to try to cure her munchies. She tried to rob the nearest gas station for all its twinkies. My dad was in the ICU for a month after drinking his weight in vodka.

Like I said, when your family is rich, what they do for fun is a little out there.

But I see in your eyes that you're already thinking that won't happen to me. I heard it all before. Cigarettes are legal. It's fine. It's safe. Blah blah blah.

I will give you $100,000 a month for the rest of your life as long as you don't smoke.

So. The money or your life?

I have seen people unite under Queen many times. Walk into any karaoke and start seeing Bohemian Rhapsody the while bar will be singing along before the end

The smoke cleared from the third round of bombs, and the galactic concil held their collective breath to see who would rise to claim earth. Slow and shaky, the un named foe rose up. The parasites had made a desert of Venus and left the once thriving metropolises of Mars in ruins. The Mercurians groaned in fear and despair as the invaders prepared to once again claim victory.

"You see how even the Humans, most savage among the Galaxy fall to us!" The leader boasted. "You see how even with Nuclear power, we emerge-"

Bang, bang, clack the Major stopped as the rhythmic thumping began again. Weak at first but growing stronger as more humans joined in. Always the same 3 beat rhythm. A strange code the entire planet appeared to know and understand. As one, the humans rose from the ashes chanting in a thousand different languages, but all the same (perplexing) battle cry.

"We will, we will, rock you! We will, we will Rock you!"

The major fell to his knees, looking on in abject horror. "How? We are undefeated. How" he demanded even as the humans crested the last hill, swallowing the enemy in sheer force, changing now to Bohemian Rhapsody.

"You never went up against a planet with the songs of Queen!"

Planet. As in earth. But I thought it was going to be climbing vibes or mint. I'm very happy for the twist this took

The tall figure in green stood at the kitchen sink. She hummed gently and placed sparkling clean dishes into the dishwasher as Sasha came from her room.

"Uhh...?" The girl stuttered and looked at the table where Lisa was calmly drinking coffee. The woman at the sink turned and smiled.

"Sasha. Sit and have coffee." She said in a perfect voice that matched her perfect face. "I got the sacrafice from last night and I have come as requested."

"We were- only joking..." Sasha jumped as Lucy slammed her hand on the table and mouthed her to shut up. Sasha sank down into a chair.

"Heather, Mia... you guys better come out here" She called to the other roommates. Looking around, the house was spotless. Did they really invoke the Goddess of clean houses into the apartment?

Mia stumbled out first. Her hair an absolute birds nest, still in her pajama shorts and tank top. She stopped midyawn and looked at the woman in green. Lisa passed her some coffee.

"Remeber when we asked for the Goddess Clroxia? Well... guess who answered." Sasha shrugged and pointed.

Mia groaned. "I'm too hung over to deal with this."

Heather bounded out in a red dress with her makeup perfect, looking ready for a hot date. She froze in place looking at Cloroxia, who was now wiping down the counters.

"Her? I was hoping the Tinder God had come through. I mean no offense-" She added as the Goddess face turned stormy. "It's just been a while..."

"The God of Tinder DID come through. Just after I did." Cloroxia answered. Heather perked up again.

"Great! Where is he?"

Cloroxia smiled. "On a coffee date with your room mate Chase. It seems his sacrafice of chocolate and wine was better than your pitiful flower arrangement."

(Disclaimer: this is not my view of the Typical Gen-z. It's purely fiction and entertainment)

"Can you not call it that?" The wizard (I know he said he's not a wizard but He's acting like a wizard ) asked in exasperation.

"Why not? It makes sense. It's small, it's shiny, it looks innocent but it corrupts the souls of all who touch it." I held it up to the light to watch it sparkle. It IS pretty, even if it does have the power to destroy worlds.

"Yes it can do all those things but it's not... just don't call it a Ring of Power please." The wizard puts his head in his hands.

"I'm just saying it's the same thing. How do we destroy it anyway?" The wizard looks back up at me, pure terror in his eyes.

"Youthrowitincrsdfiur" He mumbles.

"What?" Was that a spell? An enchantment? Did he turn me into a newt when I wasn't looking?

"You throw it into the cursed fire" the wizard says more clearly. "Don't- just dont..."

I shrug as our order is called. "Gandalf? Medium dark roast 2 Splenda, one cream?" The batista calls. The wizard shoots me a look.

"You told them my name was Gandalf?" He hisses and storms over to grab his drink.

The shiny falls off the chain and begins rolling across the table. Out of reflex, I put my hand over it and scoop it into my palm. The wizard pauses and looks at me.

"NOOO YOU FOOL! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE???" He screams and nearly drops the coffee.

"It slipped off the chain. What was I supposed to do?" I quickly fixed the chain and reattached the sparkly.

"How did you.... How did... what just happened? You held it in your bare hands and- you can't be that simpleminded, surely?"

"Hey! Wizard or not you don't to insult my intel-intela- umm...."

"Intelligence."

"Thank you. My Intelligence. I'm not an idiot. I know how the rings of power work and stuff. You have to put them on and wear them a bunch and I just touched the sparkly."

"OK. Let me explain this in a way you understand. " the wizard paused (either trying to dumb himself down to my level or trying to remember his OK, Boomer to Gen-Z dictionary) "the uhh... the Sparkly is like a ring of power on steroids. The minute it touches your bare skin, most people go into a trance as it shows you all your heart desires and how it could be yours. You- you didn't."

"Nah. I mean- I guess it tried but there were so many things and it couldn't decide what to tempt me with."

"Power? Riches? Love? Admiration from your peers?"

"Nah, dude. The usual. Affordable Healthcare, reasonable housing rates, a living wage. College without going into debt. Not living in a constant existential crisis... But I dream about all that on such a daily basis it barely even registers."

"Ah." The wizard took another long sip of his coffee." So your generation is more resilient to evil because your day to day lives face so much injustice already."

"Pretty much."

The wizard sits quietly and ponders all this. The more he thinks it through, the angrier he seems to get.

"Also we have avocado toast. So you know it's not all bad"