Plus, Ohioans have a long and storied history of being willing to do basically anything to get away from Ohio.

Same.

I used to be a great swimmer, and I’d swim in the ocean all the time. But as soon as I went under slammed my head into a rock (thank god for helmets) it became rrreeeaaaalll apparent how many years ago those beach days were.

Went whitewater rafting with my wife a little while ago and we got tossed from the raft after going over a waterfall. It took every bit of my panicked strength to get up and grab the raft, and my first thought as soon as we got to shore was that thank god my wife is a strong swimmer and in good shape- because there’s no way I could save her and myself at the same time and that thought scared the shit out of me.