Well yes and no.. I understand and know that none of it is my fault. I will admit that I get very angry when she starts the stonewalling or saying things like “it’s embarrassing bc you’re the man” etc.

My response to that was “Oh horse shit! It’s 2022 and you’re a grown ass woman and I’m not making shit this month. Grow up”

Like she gaslights me, but I’ve always seen right through it. I’ll just tell her to stop cause I’m getting sick of it. That she needs to take responsibility.

Like how she didn’t offer to help with gas yesterday but paid for lunch. The only reason I didn’t say anything about it yesterday was because I was so fucking tired of thinking about it and didn’t want to get into it after driving all day.

But I’m going to tell her “Alright so I spent $130 in gas, WE have $1000 in rent and x and x and x. How do you want to do it because I’ll be damned if I blow all I’ve saved on bills so you can spend how you please”

I mean she’s ALWAYS been clingy. Like ever since we met. Her lifestyle didn’t really get to the point where she was spending money all the time until I pretty much allowed it when we got the house two years ago.

The only thing that prevents me from leaving, is wondering if she’s just gotten way too comfortable with her lifestyle, because I haven’t held her to the same responsibility I hold myself.

I almost left two weeks ago.

I called Mom up and told her that I’m 90% sure she’s a Covert Narcissist. I had been telling my parents about a lot of the shit she does for the past year.

Mom comes over and brings boxes. I kinda started to break down because I didn’t picture her getting angry and having a meltdown.. I pictured her crying her eyes out and having a panic attack because she has abandonment issues. Her mom did shit like stick her in the closet and leave her when she was a baby.

So Mom kinda talked me out of leaving. Said that her and my dad used to have all kinds of crazy fights and that she used to do some of the things my Gf does. Like say mean disrespectful things and never apologize.

My parents broke up and got back together a bunch when they were our age. Got divorced twice and got back together. They are still together today, even though mom gets super mad at him.

Me and My Mom kinda compare me and my gf’s relationship to her and my dads. Me being more like my Mom and gf being more like my Dad

That’s what I’ve told her every time. That I know it’s manipulative and she has no logic in her baseless arguments. Like she wanted to go eat breakfast at a high end joint. Told her I wasn’t paying for it. She pouted. Asked again and I told her the same thing.

It’s not like I jump at her every wish or command. I don’t by any means whatsoever. If we go to the bar, I got cover fee, she has drinks.

If she wants something to eat she pays for it. Like I’ve known it’s manipulative for the longest, I don’t really play into it.

Like with the self harm thing, I just looked at her and said “What the fuck? Really? That doesn’t make a lick of sense when I never said one mean thing to you”

Or “Is that reaaally the reason? Or are you trying to make me feel bad?”

Like the manipulation the trys only works in the aspect of her avoiding it in the end. There’s just never any owning up to her actions and taking responsibility. So I just stay pissed off

Yes she is. But the thing is, I think it could be a little of My Fault..

When we first met, she had her apartment. She paid for Groceries and her rent. I only paid for us to go out and eat and buy her things. Never asked a penny of me.

Flash forward a year later, we get the house.

It was MY IDEA for her to just pay groceries and electric, while I paid for Rent ($800).

I spoiled her and told her to save her money.

I don’t really think she is a full blown covert narcissist, but how will I know for sure.

To a degree, I feel like I’ve created this beast by taking more responsibility than I should have, but on the other hand the insecurities which give her feelings of doubt in our relationship (Her fear that I would leave her and go back to my parents house because my relationship with them is much better compared to hers with her family)

Her fear that I am planning on leaving her, after she watched stupid fucking tiktoks where the theme is “if he wanted to he would”

She is extremely clingy. I’ve never known a narc to be that way

That’s kinda what I’ve been thinking. Is that she has Narcissistic traits. But she apologizes for things too much, used to cut herself. I’ve been told Narcs will not cut or apologize for much of nothing

Like I said she pays for groceries and electric $150 And I pay $1000 rent and $100 for internet.

Max she spends on groceries is $500. But I’d much rather shop smart and have a plan every week. I feel like I don’t have a voice or that she never validates my concerns, whether financial or emotional because of the things she does.

She will Stonewall, where she says nothing whatsoever when I’m trying to talk.

She will shut the conversation down by saying she’s sleepy, then if I don’t go to sleep she’s right back up and active and happy, because the conversation was avoided.

She says things like “this is so embarrassing, the man is supposed to provide”-bringing up splitting bills.

Even when I get to the point of crying out of frustration, after she’s mad me so angry by acting like a child, saying that I don’t want to leave her but I feel like I’m gonna have to, and she’ll just sit there staring at the wall. Never takes full accountability.

How can I get her to act like an adult? Do I just threaten to pack my shit and leave and go no contact like I have before? I feel like she needs therapy in order to act right.

That’s what a Psychiatrist told her in January. She was prescribed mood stabilizers but they didn’t do much, and that’s when she was told she needed therapy.

She didn’t take it well. She said “I’m just fucked up man!” And cried for hours in bed

Like I said she pays for groceries and electric And I pay $1000 rent and $100 for internet.

Max she spends on groceries is $500. But I’d much rather shop smart and have a plan every week. I feel like I don’t have a voice or that she never validates my concerns, whether financial or emotional because of the things she does

I’m sorry. I feel like she is taking advantage of me to a degree and acts like a child when she avoids responsibility for her actions. Would you agree that we are supposed to work together on things? And every time we try to have a serious conversation it’s almost like there is no “us” it’s that she’s going to do what she wants to do regardless