I have college so it’s not possible rn

I’m lucky with this one, but with every medical emergency I’ve had she has taken me to the doctors and has never once complained as she does worry about our physical health. But sadly I can’t say the same for mental health. I remember once when I was about 13 I went to my mom after a long chat with an Internet friend, and told her that I was suicidal, and she brushed me off. A year after that she found me crying in my room and I told her again between sobs that I just wanted to die. She said it was just hormones and that it wasn’t real. I remember her telling the doctors that “[she] had no idea what was going going, I didn’t know that [OP] was depressed, [OP] never told me anything.” While I laid in the hospital bed after overdosing for my first time. I remember her after that, threatening to drag me to the hospital and get me admitted again whenever I had a severe panic attack about going to school, and at one point she actually did it. She said it was because “I don’t know what to do with you”. The only physical health issue I ever faced when it came to her was because of my self-harm. It got so bad to the point where I cut my legs so deep you could see the fatty tissue, and one of them got infected. I told my mom because I was really worried and she told me to “clean it out and put polysporn on it.” So I did. Every day for the next week. I scraped the infected tissue out with my nails and put polysporn on it every day until it healed because I was too scared to ask her again. Fuck that sounds really bad typing it out now.

Honestly my only goal in life is to be comfortable. I’m going to college to hopefully get a high enough paying job to be comfortable and not have to live paycheque to paycheque. I just want to be ok in life at this point. 3 more years and then I can finally be on my own.

I also stopped smoking weed on my own lol. I got tired of it because it was so readily available to me, same with alcohol. I started both at about 14 and at 19 now I barely do it. It’s useless to me, because I hate the thought on being dependent on something so shitty. It’s just not worth it

My issue is that rent is extremely expensive where I’m at, with 1 bedrooms starting at $1000+ if you’re lucky enough. I want to move away, but I just can’t

The place we lived at before was $3400 per month, as the city we live in is really expensive. Their cigarette addiction isn’t helpful either, but they both have decent jobs now and can afford rent, the only reason they’ve borrowed money is because they had rent due and immediately after, my cat got into a accident and had to be put down, plus she always pays me back. I know my home life isn’t perfect, I just think it’s personally not that bad compared to other people. My parents have been lazy before with my mom refusing to work a lot of the time, and I also resent her a lot for the things she has put me through. But we’re living rn and that’s all that matters. I don’t want to ruin my relationship with her or my family by any means

They don’t treat my sibling like they treat me though, they’re practically the golden child and my mom chose to raise them right and unlike she raised me. My sibling wasn’t old enough to remember the terrible things their dad/my old step-dad did to me and my older sibling (who’s been living with my bio dad for 6 years now) so they’ve been left with no mental scars or depression, and my mom and her boyfriend baby them. At this point they’re like my moms boyfriends real child

The thing is i also have a 10 year old sibling that lives with us, and I don’t want anything to happen to them