Then you break up. I would not tolerate repeated lying from a partner.

I didn't even read beyond the title:

>Broke boyfriend (39M) is stealing from me (32F) how can i get him to stop

Leave him. Pretty simple.

Lady, you not only cheated on your husband, but you did it continuously over a period of years and several pregnancies. How can you fix your poor relationships? How about developing some integrity and a sense of what is morally right or wrong?

By the way, public school is free. Enroll them there.

By the way #2, in a lot of jurisdictions, children born to a woman while married are considered legally the responsibility of the husband whether or not he biologically fathered them. Consult a lawyer. You may be able to collect child support on these kids even though they are not your ex's. Of course he won't be thrilled by that; but you need to meet your children's financial needs. You have already failed their emotional needs.

Ouch. He yells or uses a supercilious tone with you and then says YOU have to get used to it. No, honey, you don't. Walk out on him when he starts, and don't come back until you get an abject apology.

He's being a jerk, and don't you dare let him make you think you're the problem.

Why don't you just confront him? He tells you he was at so-and-so's house. A person (B) tells you they saw him instead at club. So you say to him, "You told me you were at Joe's house but B saw you at Club 64" etc.

It seems safer and easier than sneaking around pretending to be a private investigator.

Why hint? You can just say you've heard as much about his ex as you care to - but if he still needs to talk it out, that's what therapy is for.

What occurs to me is, he may have felt he didn't mix as well with others on the trip as you and they did, and would like a little help "fitting in" socially. Is he generally a little shy? You did say he's more reserved.

Well, what is her line of work and what is this secondarily traumatizing content? (without any identifying information)

When I worked as a therapist, this was considered appropriate and healthy. Similarly, lawyers can discuss their cases - within certain guidelines - with professional peers. Nobody is supposed to keep all this bottled up.

She should be legally able to discuss these things with her supervisor - including how to maintain the professional boundary when discussing them with the supervisor.

Just let him know it's not funny to you, and you want him to stop doing that. You may have to deliver this message several times. Make steady eye contact and say it in a firm voice.

If he doesn't get the message when you do that - several times if necessary - then he's mentally impaired and not worth your time.

>My guy friend (24m) and his friends always say jokes to each other that I would personally find really offensive if they were said to me but they all seem to be fine with it.

This is a weird thing about guys. I used to be amazed at the harsh things my ex would say about or to other guys, like he had one co-worker he addressed as "maggot." Women just don't do that!

​

>Should I distance myself from this friend?

It couldn't hurt.

He may not have mentioned this to you, but along with lots of recreational drugs goes a lot of recreational sex. He's presumably done with that phase, and he probably doesn't like the idea of you doing it!

Maybe you two are not on the same page with regard to expectations. It may just be incompatibility.

The only thing you've done that was stupid was ask a young woman to go without any real contact for a couple years at a time (other than few, short visits). LDRs are hard.

If you do decide to end this, then you shut down all contact. Block her on phone and social media and email. And don't relent.

I don't think you should be angry at her, you were asking a nearly impossible thing of her. Date locally. Be realistic.

She'll survive, and so will you.

Move out. I know, it sounds dramatic, but that's what you need to do, not come to Reddit to vent.

You've already discussed this with BF, but nothing's changed? Did you think he has some kind of magic power over his mother?

If you want to continue dating him, develop a thicker skin and don't assume every conversation they have is about you. This kind of friction is present in most cross-cultural relationships.

Be congenial and affectionate toward her, and greet her first even if she doesn't greet you.

Or, breaking up is always an option.

If you convince Liz she is being ridiculous, you are insulting her. Calling anyone ridiculous is an insult.

You should apologize to her directly for not telling her of your plans, but tell her you did not know she had feelings for you. What you don't need to add are these things: 1. She is fat and her health makes you think she would not be a good mate. 2. You're afraid she would colonize you. 3. You deserve to have a wife as good-looking as you.

Those did not seem like passive-aggressive jabs to me. I think maybe you're being a little too sensitive.

Move in 2026, as already planned.

Either way around, visit as often as possible.

Your wife's reasons are as valid as your reasons, so there is no simple solution to this problem.

I have to say, your bf does not seem realistic about money. He really makes a substandard living, and "wants to own a gym someday" but making no concrete steps in that direction is just wishful thinking.

Noticing that his age is 33, I have to say if he hasn't gotten realistic about how to reach his dreams by this age, I'm thinking it's unlikely to ever happen. You can either accept that about him, or move on.

Honey, I don't say this to be unkind, but I think you need mental health treatment more than you need a boyfriend-relationship right now. You've been through some heavy abuse and I also think you need an urgent doctor visit for the medical problem. You DO deserve good quality help!

If I were you I'd ask the boyfriend for space and meanwhile get in to see a doctor, get started with a therapist and maybe a psychiatric evaluation, and I don't know if you work or are in school, but maybe a little time off would do you good.

You absolutely do deserve to be treated well, to be understood, and to be free of pain.

I'd probably wait until I had a definitive answer from the doctor. For now, I would either tell the FWB that I'm not feeling well, some cramping, whatever, and waiting for the doctor's input; or just brush it off with a dismissive answer such as busy today, can't really talk much. That's just me, and it might not be the right choice for you.

I guess there's nothing I can say in reply to your post, that doesn't make me look kind of shallow. Ironically, I feel a little bullied here.

I would not want that apology. Leave her alone. You would just be an annoying insect in the serenity of whatever adult life she has attained.

Just go BZZZZT!!B every time he repeats the behavior. You'll have to explain, the first time, that this is what will happen when he crosses one of your boundaries.

Frankly, it sounds as if he might be getting scammed.