Step 1: Start apologizing when you realize it after: “Sorry, I just realized I was being an ass about [x].”

This practice alone will help you be more mindful, & not treat conversation like a competition.

Step 2: Be slower to speak in general. Don’t wait for the first moment to jump in—wait for the moment when you know they’ve made their point.

When you’re purposefully listening for the main point, you’re less likely to let yourself be distracted by irrelevant trivia or semantics.

Bonus Step: Try to ask more questions! Even just confirming back to them what they said before you respond will help you slow down, & think before you speak.

For the record, symptoms of traumatic stress in young children are very often mistaken for both ADHD and ODD. It’s also very unusual for someone to receive an ODD diagnosis by itself—it’s almost always in conjunction with other diagnoses.

And the psychologist is right in that your daughter is still too young to receive these behavioral diagnoses with full confidence. Treat these test results as guidelines for care—they’re not set in stone, & they don’t dictate what your daughter’s future will look like.

You should definitely continue to have your daughter tested as she gets older & makes more progress in therapy.

I assume you have been as open as you’re being here, but just to make sure it’s said: Your daughter’s therapist & school psychologist need to know about the history of abuse she suffered as well as witnessed.

It’s really been a very short time (both empirically & relatively) that your daughter’s been in a wholly safe environment—it’s not surprising at all she doesn’t feel/hasn’t adapted to that safety & security yet.

Keep doing what you’re doing, Mama. You’ve made all the right moves by getting out & getting mental health care for your kiddos!

And the old you deserves sympathy too—she had it rough & her vulnerabilities were mercilessly preyed upon. You didn’t deserve that any more than your kids did. So make sure you get yourself the same level of care! 💜