I’m a chemist, and have now done some drug discovery research; but when my mom died of cancer I was only in undergrad. I still feel guilty for not being able to save her even though it’s rather absurd to think I could have.

So I very much agree. Grief can make us feel things we cognitively know are irrational.

“Spectrum” is a poor word because it implies a number line type deal, ranging from “not autistic” to “extremely autistic.” It’s more like a color wheel, where each color represents a symptom, and each color can be thought of as its own number line, where each autistic has more or less of each individual symptom. I am autistic.