Jokes are sometimes a way of discussing important topics. Sometimes by pointing out the absurdity of the situation or simply providing an opening from which discussion can proceed. Given that the Onion does that very thing, you shouldn't expect there to not be jokes in this sub. If you think a joke is lame, feel free to suggest how it could be made more respectful/funnier/whatever. Either you will improve the quality or you will piss off the teller by being a bossy know it all. Either one seems like it would be a win from your perspective.

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You just made me imagine Xi going all Kane and screaming, "It time you saw tiberium future! While still have human eyes!"

It's 'cause their boss kept interrupting them with demands for coffee so blame Starbucks for derailing the investigation.

Time to dub him "delicious leader Kim". His noble sacrifice will feed half the country.

If you think a gallery should consider making different display choices, I'm pretty sure the staff is someone you might reasonably choose to talk to.

Aren't food offerings a traditional way to show respect to gods? I mean marshmallows are a bit far from the definition of "food", but no one eating them seems bothered by this.

Man1 runs over Man2 with car. Man1 gets out of car. Man1 points at Man2 and laughs. Car pulls out gun and shoots Man1 in the back. Huge betrayal.

I think I saw him hiding in a plastic box in Target. He was cross dressing to hide his identity. Not gonna lie, he looked kind of hot in that dress. He's still armed and dangerous though, so approach the toy department with extreme caution.

The correct penalty is a restraining order on behalf of the telecommunications system. They are permanently barred from possessing or interacting with any telecommunications device or approaching within 50 yards of such a device.

You made a false statement about US law. I corrected you.

The guy spoke in a public forum. The court took action to silence him. Very much a free speech issue.

In the United States, the judiciary is considered a branch of government coequal with the legislative and executive branches.

Regardless, the courts draw authority from laws. These are required to not infringe on freedom of speech by the US constitution. So a court cannot properly interpret a contempt law in a way that would allow a 'contempt of court' citation to infringe on freedom of speech.

I guess this means airport security can detect explosive butt plugs. :/

Well...maybe?

Those aren't hooker ghosts. That's what you feel when an insect uses you for a landing zone.

This is like the first vicious unprovoked dog attack that I've heard of in decades that didn't involve a pit bull.

You've substituted punitive (prison) for compensatory(money), but I'll go with your analogy. It's like if I drunk drove and ran you over and I spent 20 years in prison for my actions and then 80 years later along comes your great grandson and tries to jail my granddaughter's cousin's wife for my actions.