abas t1_iwxa8uw wrote

It is easy to feel broken around these kind of things, and I think for a lot of us with insecure attachment styles there are core beliefs that align with that thought (for instance, without being aware of it for a long time, I have a core would about being unlovable). Some good news is that it's possible to work on and start healing, and there are a lot of resources available to help that didn't used to exist - some good youtube channels, subreddits, therapy, etc. I've been working on my attachment style for the last couple of years and I've still got plenty of distance to go but I have noticed big positive changes in my life from the work I have been doing.


abas t1_iwwlwv7 wrote

I have long had difficulty with compliments myself. I started going to therapy about two years ago and early on noticed that I had a hard time when my therapist complimented me. One thing that I noticed was that I always ran the compliment through my own filters to evaluate it. And similar to what you said, if it was something I already knew I did well it didn't really seem like a big deal to me, and if it was something that I didn't think I deserved a compliment for than I more or less just dismissed it as uninformed I guess.

After talking with a friend about it, I decided to work at trying to let the compliments in with out as much filtering, to just feel them I guess. I was doing a lot of work on other things in therapy at the same time which I imagine also were factors, but I did eventually get more comfortable with compliments to where now it is easier for me to just appreciate them and feel good without needing to analyze them so much.


abas t1_iwwkvm1 wrote

I mentioned this in a nested comment as well, but I have found the /r/AvoidantAttachment subreddit to be a supportive community for people with avoidant attachment. It also has a list of resources on the sidebar for learning more about that attachment style and for learning to work with it better/more healthily. I've been working on attachment issues in therapy the last couple of years and have found it really helpful, it has made a big difference in my life.


abas t1_iwwk9e5 wrote

Attached is a good read, but particularly since this is a thread relating to avoidant attachment styles, I'll mention that book is considered to be a bit harsh towards avoidant attachment styles particularly. I've found the /r/AvoidantAttachment subreddit to be a nice community for avoidants to support each other, and it has a list of resources on the side bar that can be helpful for learning more about those attachment types.