I'm pretty freaking tall (6'6) so yeah, I'm probably in 10,000 pictures with my head somewhere in the background.

I agree, but it would be something I would try out before I tried buying a fish tape and running a line through an unknown conduit. Worst case it doesn't work and gets returned.

Why not look into Powerline adapters? They aren't the fastest compared to the best ethernet or wifi, but a good pair of powerline adapters will give you close to 100mbps depending on how good the wiring in the house is.

I had this problem when setting up an office above the garage and bought an older version of these: [TP Link Powerline Adapters] (https://www.amazon.com/TP-Link-AV1000-Powerline-Ethernet-Adapter/dp/B08M13B8B6/) and it worked pretty well. Might save you from dealing with the wires.

I actually did something like this for a project and bought a pack of these in different colors from Home Depot.

[I bought something like these] (https://www.homedepot.com/p/HARDWOOD-REFLECTIONS-5-8-in-x-5-1-2-in-x-48-in-Rustic-Weathered-Grey-Pine-Solid-Wood-Wall-Paneling-1063CBDRG-20/305051723) to use for a propane fire pit build I'm making, but they are for wall decoration.

There are several different color options, the one I got was almost black, with some reds and browns to almost a blonde color and the pack came with like 8 or 10 boards.