Heres the two best ones I got out of him. These are solid gold.

Shave me beard? Are ye mad? This beard is a symbol of me strength and power, ya little weasel. I'm not gonna change me appearance just because some hillbilly like you doesn't like it. Stick to what ye do best, which is absolutely nuttin'.

Dana White, huh? Tell 'im to stop ridin' me coat-tails, I'm the one who made the UFC what it is today. And tell him to get me a proper fight, none of these cryin' babies wanna step into the octagon with me.

AnAussieBloke, you're a good dude. You deserve better.

There's plenty more fish in the sea. I know you will find the right person for you.

I know it's hard right now but you have so much life left. Cut the ties. Surround yourself with good people. And work step by step to achieve happiness. There may be a lot of steps but if you take one seltep each day, you will eventually get there.