Truthfully, I’m having trouble staying smiley for my family. We went to visit my ailing grandma (87) to bring her food, and it just kinda dawned on me that she’s likely going to die soon. Seeing her in such condition really hurt my heart. My parents (62 and 60) are similarly reaching retirement age and I’m gonna be 30 in about a year and a half. The inexorable passage of time sort of put a damper on my holiday. I don’t need existential crises on Christmas. Even my mom noticed I was a bit sad today.

On the upside, I made my first ever tiramisu for Christmas Eve dessert and my family loved it.

Ehhh, I’m a 90s baby/2000s kid. I don’t know if we have nostalgic shows for my generation yet or if enough time has passed. When we get to that point I think I could come up with something similar to The Goldbergs.

He is autistic/ID and needs help with certain tasks.

Yeah once in a while. Last time I went up was 4th of July. Fingers crossed that my bosses let me go up for Thanksgiving. I need a goddamn change of scenery.

I don’t even know anymore. I spend so much time and energy serving others that I don’t even know what I want anymore. My needs and wants come dead last.

Maybe my ideal social life, just some more close friends and a loving partner, but because of my situation I have to approach dating like “who is going to be a great brother-in-law one day” not “who is going to be a great match for me.” It’s sad, really.

I know about Woodlands! He did summer camps there when we were teens. He is 26 now so I’m not sure what they have for people his age now. He has hab aides take him out for activities during the week.

My parents bought a little house in Erie during the pandemic for them to go to on weekends to get away from it all, and they need someone to help my brother. My grandma is senile and on death’s doorstep and my aunts are housebound so it’s my responsibility. He is autistic and intellectually disabled and needs me there to help him with certain things. Once in a while, they’ll take my brother with them to Erie if I’m working all closing shifts, or something else will arise, but usually they go up every weekend to relax. I know these weekends mean a lot to them, they love it up there, and I don’t want to ruin their peace, so I just suck it up and do what I do best: serve others.