You can‘t move past this without working through it. I‘d recommend couples therapy. What he did and said was very hurtful, I don‘t think this is very easy to resolve. Don‘t force physical intimacy if you haven‘t repaired the emotional intimacy.

You can‘t do much more than apologizing. Give him space and be available when he‘s ready to talk.

What do you mean by responsibility?

Are you sure you‘re ready to do the things you‘re already doing with him? Anxiety, pressure and sex don‘t mix well.

There‘s obviously nothing morally wrong with thinking about your own experiences but damn you really need to let this person go. This isn‘t healthy.