Ah, someone's ability to survive depended not on doing their job, but social lottery and the whim of a child. How uplifting. Boy I sure hope some day not the company I work for, but a literal child, will decide I'm worthy of being able to make ends meet.

I'd love to see something that isn't capitalistic horrors reframed as wholesome news.

I'd muuuch prefer to say I had a few too many drinks than I was sick of living and fucked it up, or I was completely sober and just clumsy as fuck.

I thought this was a sphere, and was trying to figure out what the fuuuck this was for. I figured maybe rolling the dough? Then I realized it's flat and I'm just used to assuming things that look like this are round (planets, etc.)

The point of most sports where you can die is to avoid the dying part, not just boxing. Pretty much every sport has not doing the things that can cause dying as a pretty good strategy. The one you mentioned is actually an exception, where the thing is an integral and mandatory part of the sport. Even football, where you can get yourself rattled up pretty good by getting tackled, recommends you probably don't get tackled. It just so happens there's quite a bit of that.

Police straight-up execute an unarmed man: "We watched the video, and everything seemed fine"

Fire department hangs out with a stripper: "This is concerning"

I guess you don't really see "fuck the fire department" stickers for a reason... And I don't mean because they're clearly already getting fucked.

A lithium ion explosion the size of an airpod? Shall I fetch a tablespoon of sand just in case?