dbtng

dbtng t1_j45gg7f wrote

You seem earnestly interested in producing the best book you can. Writing can be a painful process. Stick to the point. Use direct sentences and action verbs. Use examples to illustrate the concepts you introduce to your readers. And ... for the type of writing you are doing, source your opinions. Again, good luck. Climb that hill.

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dbtng t1_j45e1dy wrote

It's a rough read, man. I couldn't take too much of it, so I sampled around to get your gist. Probly read about 10 pages total. Comments below. And good luck with it.

  • You spend a bit too much time directly referring to yourself. You are not the subject of the book. Rip all that out, rephrase such sections. Get over yourself.

  • It sounds like a lecture. Really, a college lecture. Look at all the directives here. Seems almost rude, condescending. If you want folks to read your text, you must invite them to do so, rather than command them. Page 40
    >Let’s now discuss in more detail how our political systems will deal with, and manage, the problem of increasing automation in the workplace and the impact it is having on workers. As stated, the age of artificial intelligence will create a situation in which many jobs are at risk of being replaced by machines. This is leading to a decline in wages for many workers and leaving them unemployed and struggling to make a living. Notice that the change we are talking about could leave 90% of the people you know unemployed, and unemployable.

  • The text dives into concepts that are really just your own beliefs unless we see some introduction and backing first ... and that backing is not provided. Here, look at this paragraph from page 20. You jump concepts from easily available capital to unprofitable businesses to disruptors to investment fraud and economy of scale. You did that in one sentence, almost like the reader is expected to understand your mental shorthand. And then you wander into a tirade about "free" web services ... where you apparently haven't gotten the memo that if a service is free, you are the product ... and then that section of the book is done. If you had a point to make here, you've failed. And I do think I know where you were going. Start over here from the term "false growth". Explain what you mean carefully. Use an example or two, hopefully of real companies and events. Support what you are saying.

>The “everything free” economy and false growth – The abundance of money supporting unprofitable businesses in the last decades, particularly in the tech sector, has led to the emergence of a ridiculous culture of “moving fast and breaking things”, and running businesses that are totally unprofitable, in the hopes that a greater fool will buy our investment in that business from us, or that fast, international expansion will allow the company to figure out a profitable business model later down the line.

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